Category: Trust

Why Hasn’t It Happened Yet?

Patience.  One of those lessons that can be challenging to learn.  We live in a society today where instantaneous results are expected.  It should have been done five minutes ago, but life doesn’t work that way.  There is more involved than our wants.

It is October here in Maine. The leaves are starting to fall, and the temperatures have dropped, but we don’t typically expect Nor’easters to happen yet.  They normally involve snow and large amounts of wind.  Last week we had one that involved rain and large amounts of wind.  More than 170,000 people lost power in southern Maine.  Living on a main route that has elderly housing on one side and a university on the other typically means we are near the top of the list when power outages occur.  Other than the Ice Storm of 1998 when we lost power for around 72 hours, we normally lose it for only about six hours, tops.  During this storm we lost power at 4:30 in the morning.  Just in time to wreck havoc on a morning routine.  My morning routine typically involves an exercise routine, a smoothie made with fruits and vegetables, and a shower.  Without power, I couldn’t do my cooler weather exercise routine which requires a television, to make my smoothie I needed a blender, and I guess I could have had a cold shower, but who wants one of those?  I started out by throwing myself a small pity party and hoping that the power would instantly come back on.  It didn’t.  I was going to have to be patient, but what did I do in the meantime?  My place of part-time employment had power, so I could spend my day at a place with electricity, something many others didn’t have.  I could go to the grocery store and buy a smoothie (something I would probably only do in a pinch in the future, they aren’t really filling).  I could walk a lot at work and I didn’t have to take a shower.  I got dressed and off I went. 

When I came home that night.  What to do?  I got ready for bed while we still had daylight.  Played cards and went to bed at 8:45. I hoped and set the intention the power would be on the next morning.  It wasn’t.  I went through my new routine again, but I went somewhere else to get my smoothie.  Just before leaving work that night the power came back on. 

Many storylines in my life right now require patience.  This is one of the simplest.  There are so many things at play.  In this case it seemed the places that lost power are the ones that typically don’t and many were the high priority areas.  So like many things in life another’s needs and actions were involved.  We can’t override another’s freewill with our manifestations.  Two.  Divine timing is at play.  A lesson was involved that needed to be learned.  Flexibility may have been a part of it for me.  The need to not be so entirely dependent on routines.  A reminder to be grateful for something as simple as electricity.  All these items needed to be acknowledged before power could be restored.  And three.  I wasn’t alone.  So many other people were in the same position at that moment.

These three lessons can be applied to so many situations.  I can think of multiple others going on in my life at this very moment.  I’m sure you can think of many as well.  They say patience is a virtue for a reason.  It’s something that we all need even at the happiest of times, but most of us don’t have an abundance of it on an everyday basis.

We want what we want, and we want it now.  Instant gratification.  We want to see the results of the actions we take.  We don’t want to wait for days or years to see our intentions made manifest.  There have been so many times where something looks right and feels right, but hasn’t happened yet.  Why?  Maybe the timing is off.  Maybe there is something else to be learned.  Maybe there is another reason.  Those don’t always matter to us in that moment, but they should.

As I have developed my intuitive skills, the lessons come through quicker.  It no longer takes years to discover the lesson.  My patience and dedication have paid off in that area of my life.  Remember to apply patience to all areas of life.  It is an important and valuable skill on life’s journey.

What areas of life do you need more patience?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

What Are You Trying to Tell Me?

Is there something in your life that Spirit seems to use repeatedly to get your attention?  For me, Spirit seems to use my car.

The first time I had a psychic reading my grandfather used my car to get my attention and deliver me a message.  This week Spirit used my car again.  I have a 2011 Subaru Impreza.  I LOVE my car.  It was time to get my car inspected, but it also needed an oil change, there was a service recall and my rear brake light was out.  Most of what I needed done was covered by the dealership for free, but the rear brake light had me a little concerned.  It could be as simple as a bulb or it could be a more in-depth fix.  I asked Spirit to not have it cost more than I had made from helping at the Enlightenment Expo.  It ended up being a bulb, simple fix and inexpensive, but when I set up my manifestation, I forgot to ask Spirit to have my car pass inspection.

Several months ago, I was driving back from a friend’s house and was stopped at an intersection.  The car in front of me turned right.  I looked left and right and left again.  I stepped on the gas to turn right and bam.  The car that I thought had turned right had turned and stopped.  It had been sitting right in my blind spot.  It got out and it didn’t look like any damage had been done to his car and mine appeared to be minimal.  The next day I looked, my front bumper had cracked, but it still didn’t look bad.  What I hadn’t realized until my car was being inspected was that my passenger side headlight assembly had broken and the bottom of it was missing.  Plus, my cracked bumper wasn’t passable.  Both needed to be fixed for my car to pass inspection and I needed to get the repairs done soon.  My brakes were currently passable, but if I waited too much longer, the brake pads would need to be replaced too.  The total cost for repairs would be more than $1,000.  What do I do? My manifestation was limited because I focused on what I thought was wrong.  It was going to cost me a lot more than I had made.  I know nothing about cars.  The service advisor said to call them back and let them know how I wished to proceed.  They would need to order the parts.

While I was at the dealership, I was reading Everything Is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo.  One of her recommendations was to say that when making a decision repeat “Everything Is Figureoutable”.  I repeated that mantra as I drove back.  I decided to speak with my parents.  My paternal grandfather was an auto mechanic and my dad had worked with him for a little bit.  My dad searched the internet and found I could a new headlight assembly for $131 as opposed to the $328 it was going to cost me at the dealership, plus he could install it, which would have cost another $128.  He started watching YouTube videos on hot to repair a cracked bumper.  I purchased the new headlight assembly and it was delivered the next day.

I only drove my car to and from my part-time job and set aside 2 days in my schedule so that he could do the repairs.  I set the intention that it would only take a day. 

On my way home from work that Saturday I picked up some rear turn lights, but I also needed one for the front.  They couldn’t find anything for me to purchase, but they had some out of the package that I could have for free.  Score!

On Sunday my parents worked on my car.  They installed the new headlight assembly and took off the bumper.  They repaired my bumper and replaced my turn signals.  My early afternoon my car was done.  Monday morning, I went back to the dealership to see if I could get my car inspected again.

So, what did I learn?  One.  I asked for help.  I had people who wanted to help me, but I need to ask for it.  Two.  I got another opinion.  I knew this wasn’t an area that I had any experience in.  I needed to brainstorm ideas with someone else and get a different perspective on my problem.  There was another solution I needed help to find out though.  Three.  I had to trust that everything was going to work out.  The fear kept trying to creep in that my brakes were going to fail.  I had to keep resetting myself and know that everything was going to turn out ok.  Four.  I needed spiritual help.  I didn’t have an appointment at the garage, and if I tried to make one it would be two weeks before I could get back in.  I sent spiritual runners ahead to make sure everything would work out.  I needed the person that had completed the inspection to be working to complete it.  I wanted my brakes to be ok and to not need anymore work then what had been laid out.

The end of the story is that my car passed inspection a week later than expected.  The technician was there.  I followed my intuitive guidance and got it done.  It cost me less than $150 to get my car fixed as opposed to more than $1,000.  My car doesn’t look perfect.  I have red primer on the passenger side of my bumper, but it is drivable and passed inspection.  My car is 9 years old.  I don’t love it any less than I did a week ago.  It isn’t perfect, but it does get me where I need to go.  What more can you ask for?

How can you look at a challenge from a different perspective?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

The Time For Happiness Is Now

Are you happy?  For most people the answer is no.  You may he happy in an area of your life, but overall the answer is no.  The decisions that you’ve made in your life have led you to this point.  The decisions can be due to believing it’s the right decision or being afraid to make a different one.

Fear of the unknown is a reason that people remain stuck in their lives.  The known even if it causes discomfort is better than the path not yet taken.  But the planetary energies are pushing us on to this new path.  What might have felt right at one time has lost its appeal, or is becoming more difficult to maintain.  Spirit will keep triggering us until we make the change.

Most of my life I didn’t like change.  Dread might be a better word.  For me, change seemed to involve the people I loved dying and dreams not turning out as I expected.  Even when I stepped on the spiritual path taking the leap on to the unknown was difficult.  Even having multiple psychics tell me I could do this took a while to comprehend.  I had already started down a path that I desperately wanted to work.  I would work harder and keep trying.  It had to work.  The problem was while that concept worked for some people, it didn’t for me.  The reason it wasn’t my path.  It was a lesson that I needed to learn as I walked my path.  Taking the leap on to my path was terrifying and challenging, but with a bit of excitement.  I needed a push on to it or maybe a shove.  Without it, I might still be working on the lesson.  We all have our reasons for staying put, but we are sent to this world for a reason.  We can make a difference if we have the courage to be our authentic selves and not who we think we should be.

So how did I overcome the fear to change?  I started to work through it.  I worked on the beliefs that I had learned over the years.  I cast away the story that I told myself about why I was unhappy and started to write a new one.  The fear to change is still there, but it has been muted.  It reactivates the next time I make an uncomfortable change, but it has lessened. 

As of this moment, I’m not where I believe I’m meant to be.  But I’m happier now working multiple jobs, putting the pieces together, and trying to figure out what my gifts are, and how to incorporate those into my new business, than I was playing it safe and following the path I thought I was meant to follow.

When it comes down to it we have so little time on this planet called Earth.  We have hopes and dreams, but are afraid to start following them until we feel safe and secure.  Then and only do we feel it’s possible to do what we love.  What if I told you there is another way?  It may mean having multiple jobs, like me, but the time to act is now.  Only by walking through the fear can you begin to feel happy in your life.  Act.  It may be something small or jumping off the cliff, but either one will start the process of catapulting you into a new life.  Take the leap.  Do you need help?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Enough!

When do you raise up your hands and say enough?  I give up!  Well that depends on two things: do you need to surrender to the will of the universe or is it time to give up?  The answer requires that you tap into yourself.  Only you can answer that question.  That is what makes this question so challenging.

So what do you do?  I can’t answer for you, but I ask myself the question, do I want this?  It may bring up fear.  Is it a good fear or an exciting fear?  It may feel like dread.  That is when I know that it’s time to do something different, but that doesn’t mean that it’s easy.  It can take a while to wrap your head around how to proceed.

If I’m honest with my myself, I knew that it was time to leave my job before I was forced to leave in January.  My heart was no longer invested, but I needed time to decide on my steps.  I thought I had time to figure that out, but in my case the clock was ticking.  I had to figure out my next steps afterwards, but one thing was certain, that part of my life was over and it felt right.  Nine months later I don’t regret my decision to go in a new direction.  My new direction is hard and challenging, but it is exciting.  I know deep in my heart that it is the right decision.  Now I need to surrender to the timing and will of the universe.  This past week signs that the energy is moving in a new direction have started to show up.  People are asking about my new business.  It has been almost five months since I launched my business.  I had to demonstrate my commitment to what I know is right, and that I made the right decision in moving my life in a new direction.  Someday soon I will wake up and begin to see the results of my commitment.  The timing isn’t right yet.

I apply this same practice to making decisions about other matters, including my personal life.  Those have been more challenging.  The challenging part of the process is that we can want something so badly it can be hard to see straight.  Something can feel absolutely and totally right, but the timing isn’t.  We can have an idea of the course we will chart, but we must surrender to the outcome.  Surrendering is hard and it is a process that sometimes you will need to do over and over again.  I find that that every time I go through the process tears are involved.  There is an emotional component and limiting beliefs that need to be faced.  These are the actions that I’m taking to show my commitment to being a more empowered person.  The universe responds to action and commitment.

What decisions are you making now?  What is your process for deciding when it is time to give up or surrender?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Time Out!

Sometimes before we can reach our destination, we need to take time off for ourselves.  We need to rest our bodies.  If we don’t listen, spirit will send signs and synchronicities to get our attention.  If you still don’t listen, it can send illnesses or ailments.

We can’t always go, go, go.  Sometimes we must take a time out.  With starting my own business, there are days where I go, go, go and don’t stop until I climb into bed.  There are other days where I feel like I must force myself to accomplish anything and that is ok.  It is all part of my process.

This past week has been all go, go, go.  I took some time on Sunday for me, but apparently it wasn’t enough because the universe sent me nausea.  Plus, I went for my monthly appointment with my chiropractor and my body was completely out of alignment.

I needed to take time to think and provide myself with clarity.  What specifically do I want?  Who do I want to be?  With that information I can begin the manifestation process.  I must be specific with what I want though.  I took some time to state specific goals for my business and personal life.  I can now begin releasing my anticipated outcome.  But I need to take small action steps to show that I am willing to move in that direction.  One of my goals is to start incorporating more of me into my social media.  I have been practicing for several months by recording myself, but no one has seen them yet.  It is time for me to be seen.  I had been getting the message on my daily walks, but haven’t done anything with the message.  So, the universe sent me a time out to ponder and reflect.  Now I need to work through the fear of showing my videos for others to see.  The only way to move past fear is through it.

Do you need to rest and relax?  Do you need clarity regarding an area of your life?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Car Problems Again!

What do car problems have to do with spirituality?  Well, let me fill you in.  Everything happening around you is a sign from the universe or an indicator of what is happening in your internal world.  If you can decipher the message, the sign can help you move forward.

What do I mean?   In 2013 I was just beginning to become interested in the spiritual world.  I had purchased a Subaru Impreza in 2010 and had never had any issues, but suddenly there was this loud clunking noise every time I turned my wheel.  My car was brand new and shouldn’t be making that noise.  I met a friend for lunch, and we went to a small metaphysical event that I heard about through my sister.  Her sister-in-law was there giving readings.  I had met her several times over the years, but she didn’t know much about me.  I had my first reading. She asked me if I had been having problems with my car.  I’m listening.  Your grandfather is trying to get your attention.  You’re not listening to him.  She delivered his message.  I went to my car and drove home.  I realized the sound my car was making had gone away.   I could have spent a fortune on trying to figure out a problem that didn’t really exist, but was energy trying to deliver me a message.

Fast forward 3 years, I knew that I was going to need new tires, but according to the Subaru garage, I should have about 6 months left.  Not even a week later, I am driving home from work and my tire goes flat.  AAA comes and puts on my spare tire and off I go.  The next day I put four new tires on my car.  Another week goes by, I go to the Enlightenment Expo in Portland and walk out to my car at the end of the night.  My rear driver’s side tire is flat.  How can that be?  I have 4 brand new tires.  AAA comes again and puts my spare tire on.  I had gotten a nail in my tire.  I went back to where I had gotten the new tires, they fixed me up and off I went.  That was in 2016.  Every year since then I have had low tire pressure indicators at least twice a year.  I had one in June this year, and one this past weekend.  Both were on my passenger rear tire.  Each of these events has been trying to tell me something.  I have had the tire examined each time as well. 

In the first instance, the message from my Papa was that I needed to move forward in a new direction.  In the second, I had punctured my tires.  I was in the process of changing my life, but some obstacles and delays were being presented.  I needed to look at these obstacles from a new perspective.  The third, I had slow leaks.  I was taking my energy in directions that weren’t necessarily serving me.  I needed to make some small tweaks and focus on my dreams.  It was a time to re-examine what I’m doing.  I needed to gain clarity about my life, and what I’m manifesting.  I’m in this process now.  Trying to be clear about what I want. 

What signs is the universe sending you?  Have you experience anything like flat tires on a continuous basis?  What do you think it means?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Why Don’t Things Go the Way I Want?

Expectations are hard.  You desperately want things to go your way.  You want them to happen in a certain manner.  Expectations are challenging because the magic lies in the unexpected.

Our lives rarely unfold how we expected.  Spirit wants things to be better than we dreamed, but we need to allow that new vision to happen.

It is difficult to get out of our head and allow something to unfold.  One method that I’ve used in getting a different perspective is from talking to psychics, mediums, astrologers, energy healers and other intuitives.  Each one that I have spoken with has assisted me in looking at an event that is happening or has happened from a new perspective. 

With the new direction my life has taken this year, I have spoken to several readers to confirm the messages that I was receiving from the universe.  While you can read for yourself, expectations can be a problem.  It is easier to read for someone else than to read for yourself.

Since I began my spiritual journey, I’ve met many readers, many of whom I’m now friends with.  Every reader is unique, but most will provide you with clarity.  The best way to find a reader is to know someone who has had readings in the past.  This will provide you with information about the services the reader provides and whether they were good.  Who would I recommend?  These people aren’t listed in any order. 

I’ve done work with bigger names, but mainly as a student.  These have been my go-to people over the years when I have need one on one sessions. 

Who helps you with getting your expectations in perspective?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment. 

What Do I Have to Be Grateful For?

Gratitude is tricky.  Society teaches that we should want.  We should want a bigger house, a better car, more money.  But the secret to manifesting what you want is gratitude.  Being grateful for what you already have. 

How can I be grateful for what I already have?  I am not where I thought I would be in my life.  I am starting over again.  Growing up I thought I would be married and have children by now, but that hasn’t happened yet.  I thought that I would have a successful career but didn’t know what I would be.  As a child, I would pretend I was a teacher.  Was that because it was something that I was meant to do, or something that I thought I should be since many of my family members were teachers.  But I do not currently have a successful career, I am starting a new career path.  I know it is a path that I’m meant to follow.  Not sure quite yet how all the pieces are coming together, I feel like I’m headed in the right direction, but what do I do while all the pieces come together? 

My life is not what I expected, but it is what it is.  I can’t change my past, but I can work through it.  I can change what I have done in the past that has led me to where I am today.  Patience is required, for Spirit doesn’t move as quickly as we would like.  There may be other people in play, it is hard to see these changes play out in real time.  We want an instantaneous response.  But you know what?  Life doesn’t work that way.  We must fight for what we want, right?  Society teaches us to fight for what we want.  But what if the reverse is true? What if we are supposed to be grateful for what we have, and trust that what will come to us if it is in our highest and best good.

There was a time when I wouldn’t have been able to think that way, let alone be willing to try it.  But there comes a point in life where you’re willing to try anything even the unconventional.  So, back to gratitude.  Gratitude may seem an unconventional philosophy at first, but it has its virtues.  I am grateful that I have a family that is willing to support me as I undergo this new venture in my life.  I am grateful that I have friends and family that I can bounce ideas off.  I am grateful that I have had so many opportunities in my life, so I have been able to try new things.  I am grateful that people have been willing to give me a chance.  I am grateful that I can change.  I can change my life; I can change my perspective.  I can change my life. 

Only I can change my life.  No one else can do it for me.  No matter how much I wish I could blame other people for where I am in my life, it is all me.  The choices that I made.  The paths that I’ve taken have led me to this moment.  I am grateful that I can see my life for what it is.  It is a work in progress, and I have a choice to make.   What do I want my life to look like five years in the future?   I want to be happy in both my personal life and my career path.  So, today I am grateful that I can make a change and take a different path. 

It can be hard to find a silver lining for it is not always on the surface for us to easily find, but it is there.  You may need someone else to help you find it. What are you grateful for?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Presence is Now

Living in the present moment should be easy, right?  I won’t speak for you, but for me it has always been a challenge.  I tend to dwell about the past, and look to what I want to happen, or be different in the future, instead of living in the moment. 

Why do I do that?  I haven’t quite figured out yet, except it is a problem that most people have, and I’m sure that you have experienced yourself.  We tend to not experience life from the present moment.   You want to know the answer before you have experienced the question.  You read a book, and you want to flip to the end to find out the ending.  But the key to making real change in your life is to live in the moment.

I have a good memory, which I have said to multiple people can be both a blessing and a curse.  One of the few times that my memory fails me is when I have a seizure.  To give further background of my seizure disorder, I saw a neurologist when I was a child.  In last week’s post, I went into some details about how my seizure disorder effected me as a child, now for the adult side.  My neurologist had said that my seizure disorder would probably return as an adult, but he couldn’t state in what form.  Seizures tend in be cyclical and hormonally based, so there are different onset periods.  I missed the one when I hit puberty, but I hit the one as I was moving into my 20’s.  As a child, I had grand mal seizures.  These are the types of seizures that everyone thinks of when they think of seizures.  As an adult, I was diagnosed with absence seizures.  I would space out for a few moments, and then my consciousness would return.  Looking back now, I can’t say for certain that being presented with those circumstances at that time that I would do anything different with them.  But what do I do next?  I went to a new neurologist.  Of course, what is next?  Tests.  I had to have an EEG where they make you stay up all night and then tape suction cups to your head.  They want you to fall asleep without moving and sitting up in a chair.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not the type of person that can sleep on command.  I’ve had this test a couple of times, and it has come to the point where they give me something to help me fall asleep.  I still can’t sleep during the test, but at least I’m somewhat relaxed.  During one test I still hadn’t fallen asleep several hours after the test was complete.  I guess sleep medication and I aren’t compatible.

The second test that they ordered was an MRI.  They wanted to make sure that there was nothing structurally wrong with my brain.  I went to have the MRI and the technician said that it would take an hour and a half, but if I moved during the test it would blur the images, and I might have to come back.  No way was I going to do that again.  The technician taped my head down to the table so that I could feel if I moved too much.  Luckily, I have only had to do this test once.   The neurologist said there was nothing structurally wrong with my brain and that it was normal.  My boss at the time said that couldn’t possibly be true and I should have a second opinion.  Funny guy.  So, I received my diagnosis and they put me on medication.  The medication would help my mind to not wander, but the medication presented a new obstacle.  If I forgot to take it, I could have a grand mal seizure.  This has happened to be a couple of times over the years. 

So, what does all of this have to do with living in the present moment?  According to Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life”, seizures are about “[r]running away from the family, from the self, or from life.”  So, at 19, what was going on.  You could say that I was running away from myself or from life.  I didn’t know how to be me.  It should be one of the simplest things to do, but I had forgotten how.  I would look at other people’s lives and could imagine myself in their place.  I wasn’t living my life; I was moving through the motions.  I would go to work and school.  Hang out with friends.  And repeat.  I would look forward to the day when things would change, but they didn’t start to change until I did.

Now I mentioned earlier that the medication has caused me to have a couple of grand mal seizures if I forget to take my medication.  I can look at these times and the memory loss drives me crazy because I lose a few moments before, and my complete memory doesn’t come back until I have slept.  The connections in my brain reform while I sleep, but what about the between time.  I exist.  I typically remember my name but holding conversations and answering questions is challenging.  My memory exists in snapshots.  I have one memory and I have another one two hours later.  I will never be able to fill in all the pieces.  What I have come to realize is that while it drives me crazy to not have all the pieces, I am better off.  When I have had a seizure, it forces me to live in the moment.  Now I wouldn’t say that I purposely forget to my medication so that I can live in the moment.  That would be stupid of me.  But in that time frame I am in that moment and only in that moment.  There is no past and there is no future.  There is only now.  That moment teaches me so much about how to live life. 

We manifest the life that we want when we can act from the present; when we have released our past and are not constantly looking to the future.  That is what having seizures have taught me.  How are you doing at living in the present moment?  Is there something that happens that forces you to be in the moment?  Remember we are all a work in progress.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Children Should Be Seen, Not Heard

Sarah in 1982

Society teaches us that children should be seen and not heard.  What could children possibly have to teach us?  A lot.  Children are in a pure statement of enlightenment when they enter this world.  All they need is love and nourishment.  As we grow older the list of what we “need” grows and expands.  Is it true that we need a new iPhone every year?

So, where do we stray off course?  We are taught to conform to a certain set of standards.  There are rules we must follow.  In some instances, those rules can start us on the path of losing who we are.  Our inner child is ignored.  We must move forward on the path we have forged.  But what happens when your inner child can no longer be ignored? 

My inner child journey began in 2011 with a real child entering my life, my oldest nephew.  From the time he entered the world, you could see a sense of purity.  A niece and two more nephews have joined him over the years.  Each of them is different, but their needs remain the same: love and nourishment.   So, where did I steer off course?  Society can get in the way at an early age.  When we first enter the world, we are unable to communicate with words and are entirely dependent on other people to interpret our needs.  We develop our sense of safety and security by the age of 1.  Before the age of 1, I began to have seizures (I was officially diagnosed with a seizure disorder at 19 (a story for another time).  My temperature would rise, and I would have a seizure.  I would develop an ear infection, and suffer another seizure.  My body had a natural defense mechanism to keep my body at stasis, but the mind and the body have two different interpretations of what is happening.  Of course, we all want to know what is wrong.  Had this information been wider known at the time, my journey could have been different, but it can’t be that way, because I needed to learn this lesson to help others. 

So, what is the next step?  The doctor, of course.  So, before a year old, I went through a series of tests.  Maybe it is spinal meningitis?  Let’s give her a spinal tap.  Let’s put her on medication, but we need to make sure it isn’t harming her, and her blood levels aren’t too high.  Let’s draw blood and check.  Oops something happened with the test results!  We need to stop the medication and reset her system.  Withdrawal systems ensued.  Medications haven’t been known to alter the personality; it can’t be that.  I’ll let you in on a secret, they can.  All of this happened before the age of 5.  Then upon entering school, I wasn’t like the other kids behaviorally, so I was off to occupational therapy.  Then there are the “normal” interactions between kids on the playground and in class.  My inner child didn’t stand a chance.  And by the way neither did my parents.  We trust professionals to help us, but we all operate through a lens.   That lens can impact your entire life if you aren’t careful.

It’s no wonder that as I entered my 30's, I had no idea who I was.  I started to dig in.  Who am I?  A simple question became a journey, but it wasn’t until I started to let my inner child speak, that I saw an answer emerge.  I had spent my life believing I wasn’t good enough.  I had to be someone else, when the truth was that a small scared child inside of me was trying the best that she could to keep me safe.  I had developed two parts of my personality, the adult and the inner child.  When I got scared, I would act from my inner child.  The child who by 5 learned that to survive in the world, I had to wear a mask.  Of course, the mask still comes out.  It is now a survival mechanism, but I can recognize it quicker and step back into a more authentic version of myself. 

Are decisions still terrifying?  Absolutely!  But change is a part of life, whether it is seen as a good change or a bad change.  What is your inner child trying to reveal?  What do you need to do to give your inner child an opportunity to speak?  What does your inner child have to say?  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.  How can I help you to make a change?

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