Category: Change

Let Go of the Past and Step into a New Life

When you first start out on the spiritual path, you are taught that if you are grateful and positive you will start a new life.  While part of that is true, there is one problem.  You are a human being.  That human being has memories and emotions stored within the body.  In order to be truly grateful and to manifest a life that is for highest and best good, you must go backwards.

You have a story.  It is a story that is repeated.  It can be a story that you tell yourself, or one that you see appear in front of you.  But that story is what is holding you back.  To get where we want in life, we must first confront our story.

For years I did the positivity thing and would state affirmations.  While they changed my outlook on life, they didn’t change the outcome of my life.  I still wore a mask.  I wasn’t myself.  I had the story on repeat in my head.  I would look at other people and compare how my life was and the perception that I had of them.  I didn’t measure up and there was a why even try type of attitude.

In January I signed up for a coaching certification program and started working on the course work.  As I listened to coaching call after coaching call, I had an epiphany.  Each woman that I listened to sounded like me.  There were slight variations in their story, but they were each relatable.  I could always find something in common with them.  Like me, some of them tried to hide the problems with their life, but their problems would follow them.  They would leave one job and the problem would follow them to a new job.  They would leave one relationship to have some of the same issues present themselves in the next relationship.  Their problems didn’t just disappear, they presented in a new form.   In order to truly move forward and live an empowered life you must examine your past.  Whether it is the past in this lifetime or another lifetime.  It will follow you until you release what is stored in your body.  The body doesn’t lie. 

Take a moment and think about the reasons that you have left jobs or relationships.  Do they have a common theme?  These themes are trying to provide us clues.  Once we start to examine the clues, we truly start to create the change that we are searching for.  Let’s release that story that no longer serves you and who you are meant to be.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

What Do I Have to Be Grateful For?

Gratitude is tricky.  Society teaches that we should want.  We should want a bigger house, a better car, more money.  But the secret to manifesting what you want is gratitude.  Being grateful for what you already have. 

How can I be grateful for what I already have?  I am not where I thought I would be in my life.  I am starting over again.  Growing up I thought I would be married and have children by now, but that hasn’t happened yet.  I thought that I would have a successful career but didn’t know what I would be.  As a child, I would pretend I was a teacher.  Was that because it was something that I was meant to do, or something that I thought I should be since many of my family members were teachers.  But I do not currently have a successful career, I am starting a new career path.  I know it is a path that I’m meant to follow.  Not sure quite yet how all the pieces are coming together, I feel like I’m headed in the right direction, but what do I do while all the pieces come together? 

My life is not what I expected, but it is what it is.  I can’t change my past, but I can work through it.  I can change what I have done in the past that has led me to where I am today.  Patience is required, for Spirit doesn’t move as quickly as we would like.  There may be other people in play, it is hard to see these changes play out in real time.  We want an instantaneous response.  But you know what?  Life doesn’t work that way.  We must fight for what we want, right?  Society teaches us to fight for what we want.  But what if the reverse is true? What if we are supposed to be grateful for what we have, and trust that what will come to us if it is in our highest and best good.

There was a time when I wouldn’t have been able to think that way, let alone be willing to try it.  But there comes a point in life where you’re willing to try anything even the unconventional.  So, back to gratitude.  Gratitude may seem an unconventional philosophy at first, but it has its virtues.  I am grateful that I have a family that is willing to support me as I undergo this new venture in my life.  I am grateful that I have friends and family that I can bounce ideas off.  I am grateful that I have had so many opportunities in my life, so I have been able to try new things.  I am grateful that people have been willing to give me a chance.  I am grateful that I can change.  I can change my life; I can change my perspective.  I can change my life. 

Only I can change my life.  No one else can do it for me.  No matter how much I wish I could blame other people for where I am in my life, it is all me.  The choices that I made.  The paths that I’ve taken have led me to this moment.  I am grateful that I can see my life for what it is.  It is a work in progress, and I have a choice to make.   What do I want my life to look like five years in the future?   I want to be happy in both my personal life and my career path.  So, today I am grateful that I can make a change and take a different path. 

It can be hard to find a silver lining for it is not always on the surface for us to easily find, but it is there.  You may need someone else to help you find it. What are you grateful for?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I’m Quite Bendy

Are you flexible?  Being flexible is something I’m working on.  We can be shown something, or know something is right deep within our gut, but it doesn’t always happen the way we expect.

It is ok to go back to the drawing board.  I do it every day.  It doesn’t mean you’re wrong, but that something else might be in play.  It could be divine timing is off.  It could be the energies aren’t right.  You may need to work on releasing energy from your system to welcome in the new.

The energies of July were intense.  Between the eclipses and all the retrograde planets, it seems like things have been on hold.  Things that we anticipated moving and advancing, stopped and dug in.

I spent the month of July cleaning up my emotional body and when I thought I was close to being ready to move forward, Mercury moved direct on July 31 and the eclipse energies officially closed with the new moon the same day.  The universe had a surprise for me.  When I first started planning my business, I had anticipated having a part-time job.  One seemed to line itself up, but it fell through, Mercury Retrograde was in action then too.  I took it as a message, and verified it through multiple tools (oracle cards, pendulums, other readers, etc.).   The universe was telling me I didn’t need the part-time job, so I put the idea on hold.  Three months later though, things haven’t turned out the way I thought, and Mercury Retrograde was back.  I put on my “asking for help” cap.  The part-time position that had fallen through in April was back open, so I reached out and inquired about the position.  Within a short period of time, I had an appointment to talk about the position, and now have a part-time position.

But here’s the thing. I have always needed to have a sense of control.  I have three planets in the fixed sign of Scorpio (Sun, Mercury, and Uranus).  I’m currently being pushed by spirit to go with the flow.  I’m learning to loosen the reins and go where the universe wants me to go.  It is one of the hardest things I’ve done, but there are moments where it feels right, and I know it is the correct decision and part of my life path.  For me it is finding the balance between flexibility and control.

How are you doing with the dance between flexibility and control?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Presence is Now

Living in the present moment should be easy, right?  I won’t speak for you, but for me it has always been a challenge.  I tend to dwell about the past, and look to what I want to happen, or be different in the future, instead of living in the moment. 

Why do I do that?  I haven’t quite figured out yet, except it is a problem that most people have, and I’m sure that you have experienced yourself.  We tend to not experience life from the present moment.   You want to know the answer before you have experienced the question.  You read a book, and you want to flip to the end to find out the ending.  But the key to making real change in your life is to live in the moment.

I have a good memory, which I have said to multiple people can be both a blessing and a curse.  One of the few times that my memory fails me is when I have a seizure.  To give further background of my seizure disorder, I saw a neurologist when I was a child.  In last week’s post, I went into some details about how my seizure disorder effected me as a child, now for the adult side.  My neurologist had said that my seizure disorder would probably return as an adult, but he couldn’t state in what form.  Seizures tend in be cyclical and hormonally based, so there are different onset periods.  I missed the one when I hit puberty, but I hit the one as I was moving into my 20’s.  As a child, I had grand mal seizures.  These are the types of seizures that everyone thinks of when they think of seizures.  As an adult, I was diagnosed with absence seizures.  I would space out for a few moments, and then my consciousness would return.  Looking back now, I can’t say for certain that being presented with those circumstances at that time that I would do anything different with them.  But what do I do next?  I went to a new neurologist.  Of course, what is next?  Tests.  I had to have an EEG where they make you stay up all night and then tape suction cups to your head.  They want you to fall asleep without moving and sitting up in a chair.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not the type of person that can sleep on command.  I’ve had this test a couple of times, and it has come to the point where they give me something to help me fall asleep.  I still can’t sleep during the test, but at least I’m somewhat relaxed.  During one test I still hadn’t fallen asleep several hours after the test was complete.  I guess sleep medication and I aren’t compatible.

The second test that they ordered was an MRI.  They wanted to make sure that there was nothing structurally wrong with my brain.  I went to have the MRI and the technician said that it would take an hour and a half, but if I moved during the test it would blur the images, and I might have to come back.  No way was I going to do that again.  The technician taped my head down to the table so that I could feel if I moved too much.  Luckily, I have only had to do this test once.   The neurologist said there was nothing structurally wrong with my brain and that it was normal.  My boss at the time said that couldn’t possibly be true and I should have a second opinion.  Funny guy.  So, I received my diagnosis and they put me on medication.  The medication would help my mind to not wander, but the medication presented a new obstacle.  If I forgot to take it, I could have a grand mal seizure.  This has happened to be a couple of times over the years. 

So, what does all of this have to do with living in the present moment?  According to Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life”, seizures are about “[r]running away from the family, from the self, or from life.”  So, at 19, what was going on.  You could say that I was running away from myself or from life.  I didn’t know how to be me.  It should be one of the simplest things to do, but I had forgotten how.  I would look at other people’s lives and could imagine myself in their place.  I wasn’t living my life; I was moving through the motions.  I would go to work and school.  Hang out with friends.  And repeat.  I would look forward to the day when things would change, but they didn’t start to change until I did.

Now I mentioned earlier that the medication has caused me to have a couple of grand mal seizures if I forget to take my medication.  I can look at these times and the memory loss drives me crazy because I lose a few moments before, and my complete memory doesn’t come back until I have slept.  The connections in my brain reform while I sleep, but what about the between time.  I exist.  I typically remember my name but holding conversations and answering questions is challenging.  My memory exists in snapshots.  I have one memory and I have another one two hours later.  I will never be able to fill in all the pieces.  What I have come to realize is that while it drives me crazy to not have all the pieces, I am better off.  When I have had a seizure, it forces me to live in the moment.  Now I wouldn’t say that I purposely forget to my medication so that I can live in the moment.  That would be stupid of me.  But in that time frame I am in that moment and only in that moment.  There is no past and there is no future.  There is only now.  That moment teaches me so much about how to live life. 

We manifest the life that we want when we can act from the present; when we have released our past and are not constantly looking to the future.  That is what having seizures have taught me.  How are you doing at living in the present moment?  Is there something that happens that forces you to be in the moment?  Remember we are all a work in progress.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Children Should Be Seen, Not Heard

Sarah in 1982

Society teaches us that children should be seen and not heard.  What could children possibly have to teach us?  A lot.  Children are in a pure statement of enlightenment when they enter this world.  All they need is love and nourishment.  As we grow older the list of what we “need” grows and expands.  Is it true that we need a new iPhone every year?

So, where do we stray off course?  We are taught to conform to a certain set of standards.  There are rules we must follow.  In some instances, those rules can start us on the path of losing who we are.  Our inner child is ignored.  We must move forward on the path we have forged.  But what happens when your inner child can no longer be ignored? 

My inner child journey began in 2011 with a real child entering my life, my oldest nephew.  From the time he entered the world, you could see a sense of purity.  A niece and two more nephews have joined him over the years.  Each of them is different, but their needs remain the same: love and nourishment.   So, where did I steer off course?  Society can get in the way at an early age.  When we first enter the world, we are unable to communicate with words and are entirely dependent on other people to interpret our needs.  We develop our sense of safety and security by the age of 1.  Before the age of 1, I began to have seizures (I was officially diagnosed with a seizure disorder at 19 (a story for another time).  My temperature would rise, and I would have a seizure.  I would develop an ear infection, and suffer another seizure.  My body had a natural defense mechanism to keep my body at stasis, but the mind and the body have two different interpretations of what is happening.  Of course, we all want to know what is wrong.  Had this information been wider known at the time, my journey could have been different, but it can’t be that way, because I needed to learn this lesson to help others. 

So, what is the next step?  The doctor, of course.  So, before a year old, I went through a series of tests.  Maybe it is spinal meningitis?  Let’s give her a spinal tap.  Let’s put her on medication, but we need to make sure it isn’t harming her, and her blood levels aren’t too high.  Let’s draw blood and check.  Oops something happened with the test results!  We need to stop the medication and reset her system.  Withdrawal systems ensued.  Medications haven’t been known to alter the personality; it can’t be that.  I’ll let you in on a secret, they can.  All of this happened before the age of 5.  Then upon entering school, I wasn’t like the other kids behaviorally, so I was off to occupational therapy.  Then there are the “normal” interactions between kids on the playground and in class.  My inner child didn’t stand a chance.  And by the way neither did my parents.  We trust professionals to help us, but we all operate through a lens.   That lens can impact your entire life if you aren’t careful.

It’s no wonder that as I entered my 30's, I had no idea who I was.  I started to dig in.  Who am I?  A simple question became a journey, but it wasn’t until I started to let my inner child speak, that I saw an answer emerge.  I had spent my life believing I wasn’t good enough.  I had to be someone else, when the truth was that a small scared child inside of me was trying the best that she could to keep me safe.  I had developed two parts of my personality, the adult and the inner child.  When I got scared, I would act from my inner child.  The child who by 5 learned that to survive in the world, I had to wear a mask.  Of course, the mask still comes out.  It is now a survival mechanism, but I can recognize it quicker and step back into a more authentic version of myself. 

Are decisions still terrifying?  Absolutely!  But change is a part of life, whether it is seen as a good change or a bad change.  What is your inner child trying to reveal?  What do you need to do to give your inner child an opportunity to speak?  What does your inner child have to say?  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.  How can I help you to make a change?

I Don’t Need Your Help!

As a society we are taught that you should be able to do it all yourself.  If you can’t do it yourself, then you are a failure.  But here’s the thing, none of us can do it all ourselves. 

Everyone needs help every now and then, sometimes even more than we realize. What is wrong with us asking for help?  It goes against everything that we are taught.  We are taught that we should be self-sufficient.  We should be able to do it all, especially as women.  We are taught that we can have a full-time job and a family without help from anyone.  That isn’t true.  We all need to be supported, especially when we are making drastic changes.

Most of my life I have felt that it was unacceptable to ask for help.  I needed to be able to take care of it all myself in order to be successful.  All of life’s answers could be found in a book, or if you tapped way down inside yourself, you could find the answer.  While that may be true to a certain extent, I also found that everyone experiences life through a different lens, and that alternative lens can be extremely useful in helping you to move forward.  It may be that you work with a teacher who can help you to learn a new skill that will take you to new places.  It could be working with a coach or therapist to guide you on your journey through these dark places to a place where the world seems lighter.  I have tried both approaches and you know what?  I was able to move quicker when I asked for help.  Whether it was a teacher or a coach, they were able to see things from a perspective that no matter how hard I tried I wasn’t in that place.  It also provided me with someone that I was accountable to.  I had to demonstrate to someone that I had done the work.  I couldn’t keep kicking the can down the road because something more important came up.  I was truly able to work on myself in a more efficient manner.

We are all a work in progress.  There is never going to be a moment where you are “cured”, but there is a moment that you accept your humanness and no longer let those fears hold you back.  You can ask for help and know that you are doing the best you can.  And you know what?  Everything will be ok.  The world isn’t going to cave in on you because you can’t do everything that you would like.  You can only do what is important to you. 

Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.  How can I help you to make a change?

People Don’t Understand What I’m Going Through

One of the most challenging aspects of being on the spiritual journey is that not everyone sees what you see.  We are all at different stages on our path.  Some will eventually see a different perspective and others never will.  You know what.  That is ok.  We have no control over what another does.  We can only change ourselves.  We can modify our reaction, but who we are as a person should stay intact.  We must remain the most authentic version of ourselves.  For it is from this place that we have the most power and can manifest our highest and best good.

In previous blogs I have talked about experiences where I have changed who I was for other people.  From friends to my job and even family.  I wanted people to like me, and if that meant that I needed to do something or buy something for someone else, I was all in.  Some would take advantage of it, but in my mind, at least they liked me.  The only problem was they didn’t really like me.  They liked what they saw, but that wasn’t me.  It was a projection that I wanted them to see.   As I have stepped into myself, people in my life have fallen away.  My old job fell away and no longer served me.  I couldn’t be myself at that job.  I had to examine every conversation and what it was telling me.  FYI, I still must do this as I’m still learning.

I recently spoke with a group about how to reclaim your soul magic.  After the talk a woman asked me how my family has responded to my journey.  My mom was there with me and has supported me along the way and joined in.  She is a sounding board for my intuitive hits and a practice subject.  My dad has taken some time, but is currently going through an awakening process.  He wants what is in my best interest but has some fear about the path I’m going down.  There are no guarantees on this path, but he is doing the best he can.  He is more comfortable around the conversations of energy than he used to be, and has even attended a psychic fair and a mediumship gallery reading.  Those have been big steps for him.  The other part of my family at this point in my life are my two siblings and their families.  They were incredibly supportive about my getting laid off from my job, but aren’t quite there about my new life path.  There is a lot of fear and I don’t believe they completely understand what I do.  While I wish it was different, I understand it.  For years, I was unsure.  I needed evidence.  But there wasn’t any.  I had to learn to trust.  I couldn’t be afraid.  That is where they seem to be right now.  They need to learn to trust that there is a bigger plan for all of us.  We must loosen the reins and give them over to a higher power to truly achieve our goals.  Hopefully it won’t take them the same amount of time as it did for me.  FYI, my journey began in 2011.  But it is their life, not mine.  All I can ask is that they respect mine, as I do theirs. 

Your journey is as unique as you are.  Clear and heal your own emotions and reactions.  If you are willing to investigate the mirror and examine it, you will truly be on the path to enlightenment.  Do you want to know more, click here to book an appointment or send me an e-mail and ask questions as to how I can best support you.

What Am I Feeling?

Have you felt all the crazy energy lately?    It is not getting easier any time soon.  The eclipses are coming in July (One is on July 2 and the other on July 16).  Eclipses are a time to re-examine your life, with a nudge or even a push.  Maybe a shove.

2019 has been all about examining the past and moving forward.  We are being pushed to look at things differently.  You can see it all around you including in our political system.  The reality around you is shifting.  You can’t go back to what was because that reality doesn’t exist anymore.

My previous reality completely altered in January with the loss of my job.  I have been forced to examine every belief about myself and those around me.  What does it mean to not have a 9 to 5 job?  What has been holding me back from living the life of my dreams?  How have I contributed to my current life? 

I go for a walk every morning to help clear myself and this past week have had so much trouble staying present and grounded in my body.  I have been walking around barefoot to stay grounded.  Luckily, I haven’t stepped in anything gross like dog pee.  Last summer I had the same problem.  I sat under a tree for hours and dug my feet into the dirt during the eclipses.  I have a feeling you may see me doing that again if you drive by my house.

When you are experiencing these intense energies, you must do whatever you can to stay grounded and protected.  What are you doing to help you?  Make sure that you take time for yourself.  Stay grounded, protected and move forward.  Do you need help?  Click here to book an appointment.

My Body Is Talking to Me?

Everything that happens in life, good or bad, reflects our inner life.  What does that mean?  We create our own reality.  Our body and our world are mirrors of what we feel and experience.  If we pay attention to the mirrors, we can change our life.

Let’s say you have gout; it could be a sign of unresolved anger.  Vision problems can be an inability to see what is in front of you.  Back problems could be a lack of support.  All ailments have a meaning.  Louise Hay’s book “You Can Heal Your Life” is a great starting point.  It may not mean to you what it means to someone else.  That’s ok.  We can all interpret things in different ways.  Maybe you are triggered by what someone says to you on a regular basis.  All of these are clues.  If you follow the clues, you could end up with a new life.  If you don’t follow the clues, they don’t go away, they just get louder.

In my own story, I have been following the clues for a while now, but they don’t heal overnight.  My eyesight is terrible.  I can’t see what is right in front of my face without my glasses or contact lenses.  In 5th grade, when I first got glasses, you could say I was naïve.  I believed that friendships would last forever, and people wouldn’t hurt you.  It took another year before I started to see.  I had always assumed that when school started, I would walk together with my friends, as we had the previous year.  One of my friends began to play mind games with me.  I couldn’t get an answer as to what time we would meet, or maybe she would walk with someone else.  I have always liked to have a plan and school was starting in a couple of days.  I told her my plan and figured that I would still walk to school with my other friend.  That night, I found out that wasn’t happening either.  I wound up walking by myself, but she knew my plan.  We would meet at the traffic light, with her walking either ahead of me or behind me.  She would talk with several girls loud enough so I could hear what they were saying about me.  This practice was repeated on the way home from school.  Once home I would cry to my mom and do it all over again the next day.  This happened for two and a half months.  I finally snapped.  I hit her with a binder and took off running.  I told my mom when I got home, but it was different this time.  Her mother called.  I was to blame.  Her daughter would never do anything like that.  By the time I went to bed that night I had also lost my other friend.  I didn’t ever want to be hurt like that again, so I hid.  I didn’t just hide for a day.  I hid for years.  I didn’t feel like engaging with the world until I was in 8th grade.  My vision continued to get worse.  I couldn’t see all the people who I could be friends with.  I could only see the potential hurt. 

Today I still have terrible vision and wear contact lenses, but my prescription has stabilized.  I still run through what don’t I see.  I have some ideas, but that is for another time.  I am a work in progress and always will be.  My body and mirror have other lessons to teach me.  Is there something that you can’t see?  What is your body trying to tell you?  When did you notice a problem in your life?  Follow the clues.  You can either be your own detective or I can help you.  Click here to book an appointment.

Am I Awake or Asleep?

The process of awakening can be both easy and difficult at the same time.  It has a lot to do with you.  Me?  Yes, you.  How could it be based on me?  We all have certain beliefs about the metaphysical world or as my Dad calls it the “woo woo” world.

We all move forward and slide back on our path to becoming enlightened.  The energies of the world today make it harder and harder to stay asleep.  The spiritual world is forcing you into a new reality.  One that you can either surrender to or go into kicking and screaming.

The awakening process could involve an illness or a question of why does my life seem so hard?  For me, it was the latter.  I had spent my life trying to be someone who I wasn’t.   It took me a while to start and put the pieces together because I no longer knew who I was.  I had lost my identity.  I started to read self-help books.  One of the first books, if not the first, was “You Can Heal Your Life” by Louise Hay.  Total game changer and if you haven’t read yet, I urge you too.  I began to look at everything as a sign and something to peel away from allergies to ear infections, to back pain, to excess weight.  More than six years later, I am still peeling away the layers.  But, as I uncovered more, I began to tackle the question of “Who Am I?”  I started to dabble in astrology and numerology.  These gave me clues, but it wasn’t until this year that everything started to click.  I lost my job in January and had a chance to decide who I wanted to be in this next phase of my life.  The old me wasn’t there anymore and working in immigration law, while it helped people, didn’t seem to fit me anymore.  I watched a Facebook Live with Colette Baron-Reid and Crystal Andrus Morrisette that changed the direction of my life.  This was only 2 days after losing my job!  I had studied different modalities but didn’t know how to combine everything.  This was my answer.  Coaching was something that had come relatively easy to me over the years, but I didn’t really know anything about the industry.  So, I took a leap and signed up for a coaching certification program.  Through that program, my life began to change.  Things didn’t move as quickly as I would have liked, but they began to progress.  Synchronicity began to happen.  I met new people who took me in new directions.  Some of the old people feel away.  They weren’t a part of my new journey and others were inspired by what I was doing and decided to come along for the ride.  Today I am not the same person that rang in 2019.  When that flow happens, you are on your soul path.

My process was not quick and yours probably won’t be either.  Where are you in your process?  Are you starting or further along?  The journey to awakening matches you.  There is no right or wrong answer.  It is what it is.  It is as unique as you.  If you would like my help in your process, click here to book an appointment.