Lovability

Before you can become empowered in your life, the first step is to learn to love yourself.  Be truthful with yourself.  Do you love who you are?  If you don’t then you know where to start.

Learning to love myself was my first step and the hardest.  I had been programmed from an early age that I wasn’t good enough.  When I entered school at 5, I learned that I wasn’t “right”.  For the first couple of years in school, I saw an occupational therapist.  While she was nice, most of the other kids in my class didn’t have to see her.  I saw her to help with my lack of coordination and sensitivity to touch.  Part of my homework was to get brushed down with a special brush.  While the program helped with these issues it created programming.  I wanted to be “normal” like all the other kids in my class.  I learned to be someone else.  This caricature of me morphed over the years, but it was a facade.  Most people didn’t know me, and I reached a point where I didn’t know myself.  It is quite challenging to love yourself when you have no clue who you are. 

At 30 years old I realized that I wasn’t close to any of my life goals.  I wasn’t married.  I didn’t have children.  I didn’t have a boyfriend.  My job was ok, but it didn’t light me up inside.  I went to work every day, but it didn’t really make me happy.

One of my co-workers convinced me to join a dating site.  She had a blast looking through all the potential partners out there and checking in to see how it was going, but for me it didn’t seem to be going anywhere.  What was the issue?  I still didn’t know who I was.

I finally decided to take a step back.  I started stepping into the spiritual world after my nephew was born in 2011.  I read a book called Loveability by Robert Holden in 2014 and started putting the pieces together.  I needed to discover who I was.  I read lots of books.  Dabbled with astrology, numerology and other methodologies that might help me to answer the question, who am I?  It took me a while and just when things seemed to be coming together, I got triggered by my need to fit in.  I started feeling out of place at my job and that I had to be someone else.  I wasn’t allowed to share my spiritual perspective, so I shut down that area of my life at work.  But when you spend 37.5 hours per week shutting down an aspect of yourself it can make it a challenge to be the best version of yourself.  I was tired.  I found it harder and harder to do my job.  I felt like I was constantly being criticized.  All of this was coming to a breaking point that ended when I was terminated from my job.

I finally had an opportunity to be myself.  I was led to an empowerment coaching program and jumped in.  I received coaching myself as part of the program.  I was finally starting to get back to being me.  I already had a community of people who knew the real me, but I had never really been me at work.  In August I started a part-time job and had the chance to be me.  I was accepted by each person.  They seem intrigued by what I can do and who I am.  They share some interest in the metaphysical world, but the most important lesson is that I can be me and be accepted at a place of employment.

I’m still getting my business going, but I’m happier now even being triggered by my limiting beliefs every day then I was when I didn’t know who I was or was trying to be someone else.

Now for my personal life.  I’m getting closer every day, but before I could love someone else in an equal partnership, I had to learn to love me.  I’m a work in progress just like you and every other person, but I’m getting there.  But I’m at a point where I can look at myself in the mirror and say I love you without cringing.  I will take that progress and move forward.

Do you love who you are?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

The Time For Happiness Is Now

Are you happy?  For most people the answer is no.  You may he happy in an area of your life, but overall the answer is no.  The decisions that you’ve made in your life have led you to this point.  The decisions can be due to believing it’s the right decision or being afraid to make a different one.

Fear of the unknown is a reason that people remain stuck in their lives.  The known even if it causes discomfort is better than the path not yet taken.  But the planetary energies are pushing us on to this new path.  What might have felt right at one time has lost its appeal, or is becoming more difficult to maintain.  Spirit will keep triggering us until we make the change.

Most of my life I didn’t like change.  Dread might be a better word.  For me, change seemed to involve the people I loved dying and dreams not turning out as I expected.  Even when I stepped on the spiritual path taking the leap on to the unknown was difficult.  Even having multiple psychics tell me I could do this took a while to comprehend.  I had already started down a path that I desperately wanted to work.  I would work harder and keep trying.  It had to work.  The problem was while that concept worked for some people, it didn’t for me.  The reason it wasn’t my path.  It was a lesson that I needed to learn as I walked my path.  Taking the leap on to my path was terrifying and challenging, but with a bit of excitement.  I needed a push on to it or maybe a shove.  Without it, I might still be working on the lesson.  We all have our reasons for staying put, but we are sent to this world for a reason.  We can make a difference if we have the courage to be our authentic selves and not who we think we should be.

So how did I overcome the fear to change?  I started to work through it.  I worked on the beliefs that I had learned over the years.  I cast away the story that I told myself about why I was unhappy and started to write a new one.  The fear to change is still there, but it has been muted.  It reactivates the next time I make an uncomfortable change, but it has lessened. 

As of this moment, I’m not where I believe I’m meant to be.  But I’m happier now working multiple jobs, putting the pieces together, and trying to figure out what my gifts are, and how to incorporate those into my new business, than I was playing it safe and following the path I thought I was meant to follow.

When it comes down to it we have so little time on this planet called Earth.  We have hopes and dreams, but are afraid to start following them until we feel safe and secure.  Then and only do we feel it’s possible to do what we love.  What if I told you there is another way?  It may mean having multiple jobs, like me, but the time to act is now.  Only by walking through the fear can you begin to feel happy in your life.  Act.  It may be something small or jumping off the cliff, but either one will start the process of catapulting you into a new life.  Take the leap.  Do you need help?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Let Go of the Past and Step into a New Life

When you first start out on the spiritual path, you are taught that if you are grateful and positive you will start a new life.  While part of that is true, there is one problem.  You are a human being.  That human being has memories and emotions stored within the body.  In order to be truly grateful and to manifest a life that is for highest and best good, you must go backwards.

You have a story.  It is a story that is repeated.  It can be a story that you tell yourself, or one that you see appear in front of you.  But that story is what is holding you back.  To get where we want in life, we must first confront our story.

For years I did the positivity thing and would state affirmations.  While they changed my outlook on life, they didn’t change the outcome of my life.  I still wore a mask.  I wasn’t myself.  I had the story on repeat in my head.  I would look at other people and compare how my life was and the perception that I had of them.  I didn’t measure up and there was a why even try type of attitude.

In January I signed up for a coaching certification program and started working on the course work.  As I listened to coaching call after coaching call, I had an epiphany.  Each woman that I listened to sounded like me.  There were slight variations in their story, but they were each relatable.  I could always find something in common with them.  Like me, some of them tried to hide the problems with their life, but their problems would follow them.  They would leave one job and the problem would follow them to a new job.  They would leave one relationship to have some of the same issues present themselves in the next relationship.  Their problems didn’t just disappear, they presented in a new form.   In order to truly move forward and live an empowered life you must examine your past.  Whether it is the past in this lifetime or another lifetime.  It will follow you until you release what is stored in your body.  The body doesn’t lie. 

Take a moment and think about the reasons that you have left jobs or relationships.  Do they have a common theme?  These themes are trying to provide us clues.  Once we start to examine the clues, we truly start to create the change that we are searching for.  Let’s release that story that no longer serves you and who you are meant to be.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Presence is Now

Living in the present moment should be easy, right?  I won’t speak for you, but for me it has always been a challenge.  I tend to dwell about the past, and look to what I want to happen, or be different in the future, instead of living in the moment. 

Why do I do that?  I haven’t quite figured out yet, except it is a problem that most people have, and I’m sure that you have experienced yourself.  We tend to not experience life from the present moment.   You want to know the answer before you have experienced the question.  You read a book, and you want to flip to the end to find out the ending.  But the key to making real change in your life is to live in the moment.

I have a good memory, which I have said to multiple people can be both a blessing and a curse.  One of the few times that my memory fails me is when I have a seizure.  To give further background of my seizure disorder, I saw a neurologist when I was a child.  In last week’s post, I went into some details about how my seizure disorder effected me as a child, now for the adult side.  My neurologist had said that my seizure disorder would probably return as an adult, but he couldn’t state in what form.  Seizures tend in be cyclical and hormonally based, so there are different onset periods.  I missed the one when I hit puberty, but I hit the one as I was moving into my 20’s.  As a child, I had grand mal seizures.  These are the types of seizures that everyone thinks of when they think of seizures.  As an adult, I was diagnosed with absence seizures.  I would space out for a few moments, and then my consciousness would return.  Looking back now, I can’t say for certain that being presented with those circumstances at that time that I would do anything different with them.  But what do I do next?  I went to a new neurologist.  Of course, what is next?  Tests.  I had to have an EEG where they make you stay up all night and then tape suction cups to your head.  They want you to fall asleep without moving and sitting up in a chair.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not the type of person that can sleep on command.  I’ve had this test a couple of times, and it has come to the point where they give me something to help me fall asleep.  I still can’t sleep during the test, but at least I’m somewhat relaxed.  During one test I still hadn’t fallen asleep several hours after the test was complete.  I guess sleep medication and I aren’t compatible.

The second test that they ordered was an MRI.  They wanted to make sure that there was nothing structurally wrong with my brain.  I went to have the MRI and the technician said that it would take an hour and a half, but if I moved during the test it would blur the images, and I might have to come back.  No way was I going to do that again.  The technician taped my head down to the table so that I could feel if I moved too much.  Luckily, I have only had to do this test once.   The neurologist said there was nothing structurally wrong with my brain and that it was normal.  My boss at the time said that couldn’t possibly be true and I should have a second opinion.  Funny guy.  So, I received my diagnosis and they put me on medication.  The medication would help my mind to not wander, but the medication presented a new obstacle.  If I forgot to take it, I could have a grand mal seizure.  This has happened to be a couple of times over the years. 

So, what does all of this have to do with living in the present moment?  According to Louise Hay’s book, “You Can Heal Your Life”, seizures are about “[r]running away from the family, from the self, or from life.”  So, at 19, what was going on.  You could say that I was running away from myself or from life.  I didn’t know how to be me.  It should be one of the simplest things to do, but I had forgotten how.  I would look at other people’s lives and could imagine myself in their place.  I wasn’t living my life; I was moving through the motions.  I would go to work and school.  Hang out with friends.  And repeat.  I would look forward to the day when things would change, but they didn’t start to change until I did.

Now I mentioned earlier that the medication has caused me to have a couple of grand mal seizures if I forget to take my medication.  I can look at these times and the memory loss drives me crazy because I lose a few moments before, and my complete memory doesn’t come back until I have slept.  The connections in my brain reform while I sleep, but what about the between time.  I exist.  I typically remember my name but holding conversations and answering questions is challenging.  My memory exists in snapshots.  I have one memory and I have another one two hours later.  I will never be able to fill in all the pieces.  What I have come to realize is that while it drives me crazy to not have all the pieces, I am better off.  When I have had a seizure, it forces me to live in the moment.  Now I wouldn’t say that I purposely forget to my medication so that I can live in the moment.  That would be stupid of me.  But in that time frame I am in that moment and only in that moment.  There is no past and there is no future.  There is only now.  That moment teaches me so much about how to live life. 

We manifest the life that we want when we can act from the present; when we have released our past and are not constantly looking to the future.  That is what having seizures have taught me.  How are you doing at living in the present moment?  Is there something that happens that forces you to be in the moment?  Remember we are all a work in progress.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Children Should Be Seen, Not Heard

Sarah in 1982

Society teaches us that children should be seen and not heard.  What could children possibly have to teach us?  A lot.  Children are in a pure statement of enlightenment when they enter this world.  All they need is love and nourishment.  As we grow older the list of what we “need” grows and expands.  Is it true that we need a new iPhone every year?

So, where do we stray off course?  We are taught to conform to a certain set of standards.  There are rules we must follow.  In some instances, those rules can start us on the path of losing who we are.  Our inner child is ignored.  We must move forward on the path we have forged.  But what happens when your inner child can no longer be ignored? 

My inner child journey began in 2011 with a real child entering my life, my oldest nephew.  From the time he entered the world, you could see a sense of purity.  A niece and two more nephews have joined him over the years.  Each of them is different, but their needs remain the same: love and nourishment.   So, where did I steer off course?  Society can get in the way at an early age.  When we first enter the world, we are unable to communicate with words and are entirely dependent on other people to interpret our needs.  We develop our sense of safety and security by the age of 1.  Before the age of 1, I began to have seizures (I was officially diagnosed with a seizure disorder at 19 (a story for another time).  My temperature would rise, and I would have a seizure.  I would develop an ear infection, and suffer another seizure.  My body had a natural defense mechanism to keep my body at stasis, but the mind and the body have two different interpretations of what is happening.  Of course, we all want to know what is wrong.  Had this information been wider known at the time, my journey could have been different, but it can’t be that way, because I needed to learn this lesson to help others. 

So, what is the next step?  The doctor, of course.  So, before a year old, I went through a series of tests.  Maybe it is spinal meningitis?  Let’s give her a spinal tap.  Let’s put her on medication, but we need to make sure it isn’t harming her, and her blood levels aren’t too high.  Let’s draw blood and check.  Oops something happened with the test results!  We need to stop the medication and reset her system.  Withdrawal systems ensued.  Medications haven’t been known to alter the personality; it can’t be that.  I’ll let you in on a secret, they can.  All of this happened before the age of 5.  Then upon entering school, I wasn’t like the other kids behaviorally, so I was off to occupational therapy.  Then there are the “normal” interactions between kids on the playground and in class.  My inner child didn’t stand a chance.  And by the way neither did my parents.  We trust professionals to help us, but we all operate through a lens.   That lens can impact your entire life if you aren’t careful.

It’s no wonder that as I entered my 30's, I had no idea who I was.  I started to dig in.  Who am I?  A simple question became a journey, but it wasn’t until I started to let my inner child speak, that I saw an answer emerge.  I had spent my life believing I wasn’t good enough.  I had to be someone else, when the truth was that a small scared child inside of me was trying the best that she could to keep me safe.  I had developed two parts of my personality, the adult and the inner child.  When I got scared, I would act from my inner child.  The child who by 5 learned that to survive in the world, I had to wear a mask.  Of course, the mask still comes out.  It is now a survival mechanism, but I can recognize it quicker and step back into a more authentic version of myself. 

Are decisions still terrifying?  Absolutely!  But change is a part of life, whether it is seen as a good change or a bad change.  What is your inner child trying to reveal?  What do you need to do to give your inner child an opportunity to speak?  What does your inner child have to say?  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.  How can I help you to make a change?