Category: Shame

The Feminine Warrior

Happy Independence Day!  It may not feel like there’s a whole lot to celebrate as a nation.  Our rights as women have been taken away and there are people out there who would like to take more of our rights.
 
It’s easy to get trapped in the negative, but it’s important to not remain there and realize that women still have power.  Females in the past have fought this same fight before and have made progress.  It can be done again.
 
The Sun in Cancer can be representative of the feminine.  It’s a nurturing and caring energy and on July 8 at 9:23 am it is Square Chiron in Aries.  Chiron is known as the Wounded Healer and it’s in the sign of Aries, the warrior.
 
There’s an opportunity here.  The battle isn’t going to be won overnight, but it can and will be fought.  There’s an opportunity for women to empower themselves.
 
As women, we have been shamed and made to feel guilty for making decisions that are right for us.  Why?  Because they may not be right for the masculine.  Women and their role in society for centuries had been reduced to the role of caretakers.  While that may be one part of being a woman, that isn’t all that we are.  The patriarchy has put us made us “second-class” citizens for centuries.  The time for the feminine to put herself on equal ground is now.
 
It's time to fight.  How do we fight?  It hasn’t been entirely revealed quite yet, but one way is to vote.  Women died for us to have the right to vote and it’s time to use it.  As a country, the United States is in its Pluto Return.  The United States’ Pluto is in Capricorn.  Capricorn is the structure.  At that time, women were the property of men and it shows in the founding documentation of our country.  And it’s not just women that were property, but people of other races.  The United States founding documentation represents rich white men.
 
The United States is not composed of entirely rich white men.  The United States is composed of women and men from all regions of the world and it’s time that our laws reflect that.  With the U.S.’s Pluto Return we have an opportunity to change course.  To make sure that we are heard and have a role in society that is representative of who women really are.  Women do not have to feel shame or guilt for being who they are any longer.  We can become a Feminine Warrior and have power over the things in life that are important to us. It’s time to get battle-ready!
 
What can you do to become a feminine warrior? Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Are You Being Judged?

Judgment is a challenging emotion, whether you are the one that is being judged or doing the judging.  With judgment, there tends to be a lower-level emotion associated with it, whether it be shame, guilt or blame.  If you’re feeling judged, why do you feel that way?
 
It could something as simple as having to ask a pharmacist for a test behind the counter and them giving you a look.  The person didn’t say anything, but the look in their eyes could have been the only thing that was needed to make you feel judged.  It’s normally bringing a feeling to the surface that you haven’t dealt with yet.  What’s the emotion that you need to work through?
 
On to the judgment of other people.  This one is a little more complicated.  You could be judging them for what are perceived as valid reasons.  You visit a company’s website and make the decision whether to work with them based upon what you see.  The judgments that you make may or may not be valid, but you could perceive them as being valid.  These types of judgments are made every day.  Not all judgment is bad.
 
The question for you, is what is the judgment trying to teach you?  Everything that happens is meant to teach you something.  Some big issues have been coming to the surface.  It’s time to begin the process of working through them.  So if you’ve felt judged or have judged someone else, begin to look at the reasons why. 
 
What has judgment been teaching you?  Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Are You Different?

Are you different from who you were last year or even last month?  That’s one question to ask, but the other is are you different from who you thought you’d be?
 
For so many of you, different can have a negative connotation.  I know it did for me.  Different was a bad word.  Who wants to be different?  Especially when all you want is to just fit in.  You want the kids around you to like you and be your friend.  Would you have changed who you were so that you could be friends with those people?  If you said no way, good for you, for standing up for yourself.  I wasn’t like that.  I desperately wanted to fit in.  I reached a point where I had shifted who I was so many times that I didn’t know who I was.
 
I know who I am now.  But for several years, I didn’t want to be different.  I didn’t want to stand out. I just wanted to blend into the background.  I wanted people to like me and within reason, I would be who you wanted me to be.  I could be a different person to each person I would meet.  Does this sound like you?
 
You may ask what made me change?  One day I woke up and had no idea who I was.  That scared me.  How could I have reached that point?  I began my journey of self-discovery.  Who was I?
 
I looked for methods to tell me who I was.  I had spent years listening to people who said you should loosen up and just go with the flow.  Ok, I’ll try.  You should know how to do this.  Ok, I’ll learn.
 
Deep down there seemed to be a sense of shame that I wasn’t the person I was expected to be.  I figured that other people, especially older people, knew more than I did.  I’ll give you a hint, they might know more in some areas of life, but not all. 
 
Are you different?  It’s great if you are.  You’re not meant to be like everyone else.  You’re meant to be you and I’m meant to be me.  You have permission to be whoever you want to be.  It’s your choice, but the easiest way to navigate through the journey of life is to just be.
 
Are you different?  Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Endings are…

What do endings mean for you?  Are they happy, sad, or frustrating?  Maybe it depends on what the ending is.

If it is a death, it’s sad.  There’s the grieving process to go through and the realization that you have to find a new way forward.

There are break-ups.  Whether you are the one doing the breaking up, or the one left behind whether it be romantic or friendship.  All these factors can determine your reaction.  You may feel a sense of freedom or depression.

You could be moving.  You might be sad to be leaving one location and excited for the next chapter to begin.

There are so many different types of endings.  Endings normally involve change.  If the change is thrust upon you, you will have a different reaction to the one that you choose.

Every ending involves finding a way to have power over your life.  It’s ok to be sad, but it’s not ok to wallow in it.  You can express your emotions, and you should.  Emotions should always be let out. Don’t repress them for long periods of time.  The emotions that you’ve ignored will find a way of coming back.  It’s best to deal with them in the moment or shortly thereafter.  Set aside time to cry or be angry.  You’ll be happier that you did.

What types of endings are you experiencing in your life?  Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Hey! It’s Dark in Here!

Does it ever feel to you like there is a battle of the light and the dark?  Were you ever scared of the dark as a child?  As adults, we’re often scared of the darkness that surrounds us, but the key to the darkness is to shine a light on it.

Shining a light on the darkness can be terrifying.  Who wants to look at something dark and negative?  But when you do, it loses its power.  You don’t want to explore your shame, your guilt, your grief, or your fears because of what it could tell you.  It’s hard to go to those dark places and reveal the parts of ourselves that we never want to be seen.  But you know that if you don’t, the darkness wins!  The only way to defeat the dark is to speak it aloud.  When you do, it slowly loses its power.

You want to have things like love and joy in your life, right?  You don’t want to be swamped by the darkest feelings that we can experience as human beings. 

If given the choice, choose the light.  If you’re in the dark, find a way out.  Empowerment is all about finding a way out of the dark into the light.

You might believe that darkness is all around us and that may seem to be the case, but it doesn’t have to be.  You can be a beacon of light shining for the rest of the world to see.

You can bring your past from the depths to the light where it can have little impact on you anymore.  You don’t have to live in the dark.  You can step into the light.  When it feels like the darkness is getting close again, take action, and step back into the light.

All of this is easier said than done, especially in the beginning.  The first step is always the hardest.  You are here to have an experience and learn something about yourself.  You’re stronger than you think.  You can step into the light.

What darkness do you wish to release from your life?  Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

It’s Time to Learn and Listen

These past weeks have taught us a lot about the world, the United States and ourselves.  There’s so much we don’t know; I’m included in this statement.  While scrolling through posts on Facebook, I read something that jumped out from the headlines.  There’s racism in all of us.  The first thing I wanted to do was deny that statement, but the more I pondered it, the more I had to admit there it’s true.

Racism has been present since the time the United States was founded.  Slavery has been a part of this country from the beginning in some form.  We had a Civil War to outlaw slavery, but it never really ended.  The people found ways around it.  We had the Civil Rights Movement, but again people found ways to continue with their beliefs.  Confronting our beliefs is one of the hardest things to do in life.

I grew up in the State of Maine.  To put it simply, there isn’t a lot of diversity.  For the few that were of a different race, they stood out.  This was my limited exposure as a child.  Even now most of the people I come across look like me.  I had never thought about the concept of “white privilege” until recently, which in of itself tells something about my privilege.

I didn’t agree with so many things happening in the United States, but I cried tears of hope when we elected our first black president.  I hoped that things could change.  While there was a portion of the population that was different, there was a portion that wasn’t about to let the old way of life go.

The universe has a way of repeating messages until we can see what we didn’t want to see. Hopefully, we’re starting to receive the message.  I’ve been searching my own soul.  I cried as I watched officers of the law tear gas protestors in our nation’s capital on live television and wondered how did we get to this point.

Our nation has an opportunity to be different, but first we must confront our past.  We have been part of the problem, whether we want to or not.  Racism is present whether we agree with it or not.  But how do we move forward?  I don’t have all of the answers, but two responses that I keep getting are community and listening.

Growing up I lived in a neighborhood, a very small one I’ll admit, but my neighbors knew my name.  I’d walk to school; people would wave and knew who I was.  I knew the names of the police officers.  I knew that if I did something wrong, someone was going to tell my parents.  I still live in this same town and it’s not the same place.  I don’t know all of my neighbor’s names. I don’t know our police by name.  I don’t know the people in our community.

Our communities are no longer part of our joys and sorrows.  We don’t know what people need.  We lost community along the way.  When we know our neighbors and who they are as people, we’re less likely to vilify them based upon our perceptions.  It’s not an easy undertaking but rebuilding the foundation of an entire country isn’t either.

I want to believe that there’s good in everyone.  Some days are harder than others.  I hope that people aren’t beyond redemption.  I hope that we can change the narrative and listen to what our neighbors need.  The best thing I can do right now with my white privilege is to say I don’t know the answers, but I’m ready to learn and to listen.  I don’t know the people in my community, but I’m ready to at least learn your names.  I’m ready to do better.  I’m ready to grow and to know that it’s going to take time.  Growth can be a painful process but there’s something each one of us can learn.

What have you learned or need to learn?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

The Truth Is . . .

The truth is there’s always a reason to not do something or to not say something.  There’s always a reason to not take action.  There’s always a reason to not make a change.

We can always come up with a reason why.  Not now.  Maybe later.  I don’t know enough.  I’m not ready.  What if they say no?

I would be willing to bet that one of these many reasons has held you back.  You’re not alone.  I’ve been right there with you.  I don’t have time, or I need more information are some of my go tos.

The truth is that it’s ok.  You can’t change the past, but you can change the present and maybe even the future.  One small step can change everything if you want.  Sometimes our biggest dreams can seem unattainable.  We just don’t know how to get there.  Breaking those dreams down into steps can make some dreams attainable.

I started my business by breaking it down into small steps.  Choose a name.  Design a logo.  Register with the State of Maine.

I passed my certification program to be an empowerment coach with small steps.  I signed up.  Completed Lesson 1.  Completed Lesson 30.  Completed Call 1.  Completed Call 30.  Reviewed notes and started completed final assignment questions for 1.  Repeat Day 5.  I reviewed and clicked submit.

It doesn’t mean that I knew everything as I was doing it or that I do now, but I did it anyway.  The moment of hitting submit was terrifying.  Those voices inside of you that say, what if.  What if I’m wrong?  What if I fail?

The truth is you don’t know if you don’t try.  I spent so much of my life not trying because of the what-ifs.  Who knows what kind of life I missed by not trying, but the truth is that I can’t change my past, but I can change what I do at this moment.

Who knows what the future holds for any one of us?  We may think we know, but one choice could potentially alter the course forward.  The truth is that anything’s possible, but we have to try.  We can’t live our life based on the what-ifs.  We must live for our dreams.  That might mean confronting our fears.  Overcoming our pride.  Who knows what you might uncover?  The truth is only you know.  What may have been true about you in the past doesn’t have to govern the remainder of your life.  The truth is yours!

What is your truth?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Are You Uncomfortable Yet?

We live at a point in time where our daily life can be super uncomfortable.  Our security, our safety, and our level of comfort have been rocked.  We are being forced to live outside of our comfort zone and most of us don’t like it!  It’s one thing to make a choice to step outside of your comfort zone and make changes to your life, but it’s another to have those changes forced upon you.

None of us want to have decisions made for us.  We want to oversee our lives.  Living in a COVID-19 world, people are in pain.  People are dying.  People are drowning in debt.  People can’t pay their bills.  People don’t have food.  It can be challenging to see the positives and opportunities when we are just trying to survive.

For so many of us, right now is about surviving.  We’re trying to make it one day or pay one bill.  I know this can be hard to hear, but we might be missing what we need to learn.  COVID-19 is an opportunity for us to learn.  To make the hard decisions.

For years I lived in the dark.  I didn’t want to know what my problems were, I just wanted them to miraculously go away.  I didn’t care whether it was someone else coming to save me or my life just suddenly got better.  Either way was good.  I didn’t care how it happened.

Growing up I thought that certain things would happen at a certain point in my life.  For some they did, but for me, they didn’t seem to work out that way.  When I turned 30, I didn’t want to acknowledge that my life wasn’t what I had dreamed it would be.  The hardest question I ever asked myself was why.  Asking that question meant that I could no longer live my life in denial.  I had to take the leap out of my comfort zone.  That leap was one of the most terrifying things I had done.  Starting my own business last year was officially the most terrifying thing I have ever done.  Stepping out of your comfort zone is uncomfortable.

What you’re experiencing right now is a push out of your comfort zone and I’m right there with you.  I’ve been given another shove put of my comfort zone this past month.  My routine has been totally disrupted.  My income has been shaken up.  One of the hardest things that I had to do was overcome my pride and file for unemployment.  I had done everything right!  I had gotten a part-time job to help pay my bills while my business was getting established.  I stepped past my pride and had to have courage and trust that all would be ok.  The interesting thing is that by taking that leap I’m doing better than I was a month ago.

That doesn’t mean that everyone is.  I’m grateful that I’m doing better, but I also know that I’ve done a lot of work to get there.  There was no miracle cure.  No one came to save me.  It was me.  I had to do the work and take the leap.  My discomfort had to grow to the point that I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I had reached my breaking point.  Congratulations!  You may have just reached yours.  Here comes the opportunity for you to say that I’m never going to be like this again and start to make different decisions.

How are you going to step out of your comfort zone?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I’m Not Good Enough

Shame.  The very bottom of Dr. David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness.  If you resonate at Shame, you’re vibrating at an energetic level of about 20.  The emotional level where I’m not good enough, I hate myself and I feel nothing reside.  A place that is dark and undeserving.

Shame is a challenging place to be, but unfortunately it’s one where most of us have been.  Just talking about Shame has a negative connotation to it.  Who wants to talk about their sense of shame?  After last week’s blog post I knew that the next steps were for me to discuss Dr. Hawkins’ work in depth and the best approach would be to start from the bottom, but I had resistance to discussing it.  But, why?  It meant me discussing my own past shames.  Even though I’ve worked through it, doesn’t necessarily mean I want to post it on the internet.   But, it’s the next step on my journey so here goes.

I spent quite a few years not feeling good enough.  Shame had a certain comfort to it.  I couldn’t say no to other people.  That would mean they might catch on to my not being good enough then they really wouldn’t love me.  The only thing that I truly wanted was for love to be in my life, but I couldn’t even love myself.  I spent a long time in that place of why would anyone love me.  How I ended up there is more complicated.  It involves topics that I’ve previously discussed and ones that I’ve yet to reveal, but the point is that I was ashamed of myself.  There were some bright shiny moments where I would allow myself to feel more, but eventually the feelings would come back and ensnare me again.

I knew that my family had a tendency towards addiction, so I avoided alcohol and drugs, but was trapped by one thing that I couldn’t avoid, food.  I would use sugary or salty foods, primarily junk foods to numb my pain.  It created a spiral where it would numb my pain, but then added to the feeling of being unlovable since I was overweight.

So how did I move up?  I began working through my past.  As I did more work and discovered more about myself, I started to allow little bits of love in.  There are some people that you can’t help but allow in.  For me, they were my nephews and niece.  Beginning with the birth of my eldest nephew in 2011, I had the pure light of a child in my life.  A new sense of wonder and the ability to look at life through a different set of eyes.  I could see for the first time that I didn’t start out there and I didn’t have to stay there.  I had hope.

Do you feel this way about a part of your life?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

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