Hey! It’s Dark in Here!

Does it ever feel to you like there is a battle of the light and the dark?  Were you ever scared of the dark as a child?  As adults, we’re often scared of the darkness that surrounds us, but the key to the darkness is to shine a light on it.

Shining a light on the darkness can be terrifying.  Who wants to look at something dark and negative?  But when you do, it loses its power.  You don’t want to explore your shame, your guilt, your grief, or your fears because of what it could tell you.  It’s hard to go to those dark places and reveal the parts of ourselves that we never want to be seen.  But you know that if you don’t, the darkness wins!  The only way to defeat the dark is to speak it aloud.  When you do, it slowly loses its power.

You want to have things like love and joy in your life, right?  You don’t want to be swamped by the darkest feelings that we can experience as human beings. 

If given the choice, choose the light.  If you’re in the dark, find a way out.  Empowerment is all about finding a way out of the dark into the light.

You might believe that darkness is all around us and that may seem to be the case, but it doesn’t have to be.  You can be a beacon of light shining for the rest of the world to see.

You can bring your past from the depths to the light where it can have little impact on you anymore.  You don’t have to live in the dark.  You can step into the light.  When it feels like the darkness is getting close again, take action, and step back into the light.

All of this is easier said than done, especially in the beginning.  The first step is always the hardest.  You are here to have an experience and learn something about yourself.  You’re stronger than you think.  You can step into the light.

What darkness do you wish to release from your life?  Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I’m So Tired

Have you been finding it hard to get up in the morning?  Or you could be finding yourself thinking, I’m so tired of this story.  Or maybe you’re literally falling asleep.

The energy of what you’ve been doing that may no longer work for you is starting to wear you down.  It’s time for something new and different, but sometimes you don’t know how to get there or are afraid to try.
Maybe you’ve noticed that you’ve run this movie before, and you can change the ending this time.  It’s an old story that you just want to stop.  You didn’t like the film the last time it was on and you certainly don’t like it now.

The universe is trying to get your attention.  You can change.  You can have a different ending.  You can shift your journey to a new path.  You’re being reminded that this story no longer works for you.  But how do you change the script?

It’s challenging when we’re right in the middle of the story to see our options.  We don’t like it, but what else can we do?  Sometimes you just must leap into alternative storylines.  Give it a try!  Maybe it will work.  Maybe it won’t, but you don’t know if you don’t at least try.

Maybe you’ve been doubting your intuition, and something happens that you can’t ignore.  It feels right, but you believe it can’t be right.  It just can’t be.  Ask someone else what they think.  You could totally surprise yourself.  You don’t know if you don’t ask.

One of my teachers said to respond to life’s questions with, “I don’t know”.  Our patterns can become a part of us, where we think we know what will happen.  When you learn what someone else thinks, you could be completely surprised by the response.

Being tired is an indicator.  It’s time to let go.  Say you don’t know want to see what happens.  Yes, giving up control can be terrifying at first, but after some time it can be liberating.  Try something different, even if it’s taking a different route to the grocery store.  See what happens.

What are you tired about?  Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment. 

Curveball. . .

Do you ever feel like you finally have your life all figured out?  And then what happens?  Life throws you a curveball.

With the Eclipse energies finally leaving and Mercury going direct, maybe some things could feel like they were coming together, but there are still multiple planets in retrograde and Mercury is still in its shadow, so the answer is not yet.  A cycle is still ending for you.  Clarity is coming in, but there are still a few challenges to work through.  Something is still waiting for you to discover.

What have you been working on?  Maybe you’re on that path to self-empowerment, but there are some tweaks needed.  And let’s be honest, on the road to feeling your power there will always be tweaks.  Life is never constant.  It evolves and changes.  Life doesn’t stay still.  It can’t.  Just like everything around us, our lives are in motion.  There’s always going to be more to discover until the day we depart this Earth.  You have more to learn and so do I.

For almost the past 10 years, I’ve been discovering my energy.  What is my energy?  If you haven’t gone down this rabbit hole yet, it can be really cool!  But a few people who were a part of the path I was on, didn’t seem to follow my values.  I discovered that when I can’t get a computer to run, or I throw an electric breaker in the house for some mysterious reason; it could be there’s some interference happening within me.  Just like a car needs a tune-up, so did I.  We all need an energy tune-up occasionally.  That’s part of what can make energy work fascinating.

So, if life has been throwing you a few too many curveballs, maybe its time for a tune-up or just take some time to check-in and see what your body needs.  Challenges happen for so many reasons.  They don’t always occur for the same reason, but there is one.  Tap into yourself and see what you find out.

What challenges are occurring in your life?  Let me know. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

What Is Normal?

According to Merriam-Webster, the word normal means “conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern; according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule or principle.” 

We use this word a lot during our everyday lives.  Especially right now.  People want their “normal” way of life.  People are creatures of habit.  We’re not particularly fond of change, unless it’s one of our choosing.  We want things our way.

Growing up I just wanted to be “normal”.  I wanted to be like everyone else.  I hated being different.  I hated that I had to go to occupational therapy and the other kids didn’t.  I spent my life trying to be like everyone else.  It took me 25 years to learn that wasn’t an option.  Every person is different.  There is no normal.   What if I said that especially applies to now?

You can have a normal day.  Even during a pandemic, we are establishing new patterns.  We have new habits, but we can’t go back to what it was.  It’s just not possible.  You can’t unlearn something.  We can’t redo yesterday, it’s in the past.  It’s the same thing with our normal.

Even going back to work, it’s different.  It’s not the same.  We can’t unhear what we’ve heard.  People are still afraid, and they have a right to be.  Even when the curve has started to decrease, people are going to be hesitant.  There’s a possibility of a new normal for each of us.  A new routine, but the old one’s gone.

It's strange how even living during a pandemic, a new normal emerges.  New habits. New routines.  New ways forward.  It’s ok to miss what was.  You can miss the simpler times, but things have changed.  Change happens and it’s meant to.  We’re meant to grow and evolve.  This is part of our evolution.  Let’s grow together!

How has your normal changed?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

The Walking Wounded

This is a challenging time.  No one has ever seen anything like this, and we are unlikely to ever see anything like it again.  We are being asked to rise.  We are being asked to have compassion for our friends, our neighbors, our enemies, and ourselves.

It can be difficult when what we want isn’t going our way.  Our frustrations can be unleashed on those who have little to do with our problems.  This is a time to take a breath and think before we respond.

So many of us have lost our income.  We are having to file for unemployment and take steps that we never expected to take.  We did everything right.  Each one of us is the walking wounded.  We have so much in common right now, but it can be hard to see other people’s pain when we can barely see our own.

Last week was a challenge.  The place where I have been working part-time closed its doors until we are able to open again.  Last year I experienced all these major shifts and put the pieces together to have half of my plan blown apart again.  My first step was to make it through a day and then through the week.  It can be too hard to make decisions when you’re just trying to get through the day.

Once I made it through my work week, the next step was to take care of anything that I needed while on my way home.  Then I arrived home and cleaned up anything germs that I might have on me.  I washed the floors, the surfaces, and anything else I might have touched.  My final step was to give myself time.  I knew from experience that I could only take care of my most immediate needs at that moment.  I gave myself permission to feel anything I felt.  I listened to USA For Africa’s “We Are the World” and cried.  I worked through my pride and filed for unemployment so I could pay my bills.  I allowed myself to be angry at what this virus has done to the world, my plans, and to grieve for what I and others have lost. 

The world that we knew is not the same place and it can’t be.  When you do venture outside to get groceries or gas, say hello and thank the clerk.  Accept that the things you need might not be available.  Have compassion for those around you.  We are all in this together and are feeling the same things.  We will come out of this better people. 

After the attacks on September 11th one of the lessons I have always remembered was a sense of unity in our collective grief.  People hung their American flags at their door.  We have an opportunity again.  There is always a possibility of a rainbow after a rainstorm, but we must look for it.  Look for the silver lining.  We are resilient and will come through this stronger than ever.  We can do this but show a little kindness to each person.  It goes a long way.

How are you showing compassion? Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I Will Prove It!

Pride.  The 8th level of the Map of Consciousness.  Pride has a vibration of 175 within the body.  You’re almost to the level of starting to feel empowered, but first you need to move through I’ll show you; I know what I’m talking about; I know I’m right; and I’ll prove it!

Pride can take many different forms.  It can be my way is the right way.  We see a lot of pride specifically when it comes to political opinions.  There is a lot of I know I’m right going on now, to the point where people aren’t willing to hear or see other viewpoints.  Their view is the only one that matters.

There is also another form that pride can take.  This is the one that I’m going to spend some time this week.  I grew up with a large extended family.  When I was in college, I had a discussion with my mom.  She was curious as to where the female line of our family originated.  I figured that I knew enough about computers and research to find out the answers.  I started researching and by the end of the day I had reached the female ancestor that would have traveled from overseas to Prince Edward Island, Canada.  I couldn’t find her maiden name and you know what all these years later, I still haven’t been able to answer that question, but I started to branch out.  You know what?  I didn’t just do my ancestral line but traced back cousins and have built a family free of over 44,000 people.  It’s one that I’ve found relationships to presidents, royalty, authors, explorers, and other well-known people.  It changed my views on history.  It’s a project that I take great pride in and it’s a positive aspect of pride, but for the downside.  When you put your research out there, people will comment and question your research.  With genealogy research, you’re looking for documents to prove relationships.  Your research is only as good as your proof. Also when you have great pride in your work, it can sometimes blind you to other options.

I have been working on finding my 3rd great grandmother’s parents for years now.  I knew her maiden name, so that wasn’t my stumbling block, like it normally is with women.  She was born in 1820 and got married for the first time in 1840.  The 1850 U.S. Federal Census is the first census that lists members of a household and she was already married.  I looked through everything I could find to prove her parents.  I had a couple of strong possibilities and if I’m honest, my intuition told me it was one over the others.  I was going to find a way to prove who her parents were.  For many years I was so sure as to who her parents were that I had it published on my online family tree.  I kept working at finding the documentation to back it up, but I started to get nervous when others cited my research as part of their research.  I had no genealogical proof.  I disconnected her parents from my family tree.  I couldn’t completely delete them because something told me there was still a connection.  This weekend I finally got my proof.  One of my cousins completed a DNA test and we were finally able to find a link between her and one of the siblings from the 1850 census.  My pride in this case might have kept me going, but also prevented me from seeing options.  I didn’t have the courage to stand behind my intuition.  Eventually when I was ready, the next step was revealed. 

How has pride helped your or hurt you?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

What Could Have Been

Grief.  The 4th level on the Map of Consciousness.  According to Dr. David R. Hawkins, Grief vibrates at a level of 75 and is the land where sorrow, depression and sadness resonate.  It is the inner voice that says I didn’t want it to be this way; It could have been different; I don’t want to let go.

Grief is an area of life that most of us try to avoid, but we seem to land there at the strangest of times.  There’s the obvious of grieving the loss of a loved one or an idol.  As of the writing of this blog post, the death of Kobe Bryant from a helicopter cash is plastered across the media.  No matter what you thought of him as a person, you can’t question that many people idolized him and are now grieving the loss of a not only a man, his daughter and others on board, but the idea of what could have been.  What if he hadn’t gotten on that helicopter in foggy weather?

There’s also grief over a part of you that was lost.  A part of you that you held back for whatever reason.  A part of you that wasn’t allowed to experience life.  Maybe your childhood prevented you from truly living as a child. 

Another type of grief is the loss of a dream.  This is something that we currently see across the United States.  No matter what your political ideology, things aren’t the way we thought they were or that they could be.  Things could and should be different.  People should be kinder to each other.  They shouldn’t bully others because their viewpoint is different.  People should listen to each other.

But, let’s go back to the most obvious form of grief, death of a loved one.  How did you learn to grieve a loss?  There were family members that disappeared from my life, but I had only met most of them a handful of times.  I lost a classmate at the age of 4 in a tragic accident.  I don’t know that at 4 I began to understand what that actually meant or the impact it had on me, but I will say the first person that I was close to that died was at the age of 17, my maternal grandfather Paul.  As children we see our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and elders as greater than life figures.  Nothing will ever happen to them, but this is life.  For each one of us, our life on this planet is limited.  Whether it is a long-fulfilled life or one cut tragically short.  I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents growing up.  They were a part of every event that I can recall, birthdays and holidays.  I would spend time with them at their home.  My greatest remembrance of my Papa was his love of reading and watching C-SPAN all day long.  He taught me to love reading and to make my own opinions, to research and discover them for myself.

The indications that his time was running out began in early December.  He was gone by January 1.  Watching him that Christmas it was obvious that I probably wouldn’t see him again and that he was no longer the infallible person I’d known.  He was going blind and had trouble taking the tape off a present.

I went to bed on December 31 sobbing and gasping for breath.  The next morning, I knew why.  I did what I’d been taught to do, I soldiered on.  I went back to school, only briefly though for the Ice Storm of 1998 struck that week.  My first funeral was held in the dark.  The minister needed a flashlight to read his notes.  He hadn’t brought one with him, so he had to borrow one from one of my aunts.  I watched my grandmother and the word that had always come to mind is stoic.  She had lost her partner of 57 years.  I never saw her cry.  That was my true introduction to grief.  I don’t know that I truly knew how to process the loss.  New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day lost their magical feeling and I learned to live without him.  Starting in 2004, most of that generation disappeared year by year.  Other than 2006 and 2011, I lost a close family member every year until 2012.  Every death was different.  Every reaction was different, and I just wanted it to stop.

I don’t know that I had time to fully process one loss before I was on to the next.  I did learn that every person grieves differently.  Some seem to have incredible faith, some know their spirit is still with us, and others seem to stop living.

In order to move forward, we truly must process our grief in whatever form it may be.  That may involve crying.  It may involve soul searching.  However, your process it is the right way for you.  So many of us stay stuck in Apathy because we don’t want to feel.  We don’t want to confront and deal with our emotions.  Our emotions make us human.  By releasing them, we’re able to move up to Fear.

What in your life are you grieving or need to grieve?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Why Did I Say That?

Guilt.  The feeling of being a failure and inadequate.  Where you ask yourself why did I do that?  Why did I say that?  Can I fix it?  On Dr. Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness, Guilt vibrates at a level of 30.

Guilt is a step up from Shame.  The biggest difference between the two is with Shame, you’re a bad person and with Guilt what you did was bad.  Guilt still isn’t an emotion that most of us wish to talk about, but it is better than speaking about your Shame.  The only way through these emotions is to speak them aloud.

I spent a large portion of my life living in Guilt.  I would question everything I said.  I wanted to fix it, but I didn’t know how.  I spent hours of my day trying to figure out what I did or said that was wrong.  How did I end up there?  I felt guilty if I acted and guilty if I didn’t.  Why didn’t I say anything? 

The things that I wished that I had said were the most common for me.  I wished that I had told someone that I liked him, or I didn’t speak up for myself and allowed someone to walk all over me.  But why didn’t I?  Could I say something the next time and “fix it”?  What if I could go back and do something over again and then fix it?  These were the repeating stories in my head.  Most every interaction with someone else led to these questions and it was exhausting.

In the past my tendency was to keep quiet.  When I would say something and it wouldn’t come out right or someone would misinterpret my point, it was easier to keep quiet.  We can have as much guilt for what we did do or say as what we didn’t.  My guilt and shame were one in this case.  If I didn’t say something, it was because I thought who was I to have an opinion or to think that someone might feel the same way?

There’s a saying that the guilt can eat you alive and it can.  It’s an emotion that can take the joy of life away from you.  If you question everything you say, every action or reaction, what’s left?  My mind would loop around the past.  Why did I do that?  Why did I say that?  But by living in Guilt I never allowed myself to live in the present.  I didn’t allow myself to experience life or what could be.

To get out of the loop, I had to determine what my Guilt was about.  Once I was able to speak it and claim it, I was on to the next level of the map, Apathy.

What do you feel Guilty about?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Fantasy vs. Reality

For many of us a fantasy world can be a better world to reside in.  Reality can seem harsh at times.  It can be challenging to just move forward or get out of bed in the morning.  Reality can feel crushing at times and can lead to lots of tears.

A tower moment in my own life has been reached.  There are times when I prefer to live in the world of potential.  The land of yet to come, but that can be a distraction from looking at what is wrong in my life.  The energies of the past few days have made it impossible for me to live in a world of fantasy.  The reality of my life at this moment is a cocktail of disappointment and frustration.  2019 has been one of the most challenging years of my life.  I have travelled new paths and even though I know it is the right one, that doesn’t always make it easy.

My struggles are just as real as yours.  One moment I can be fine and the next a sobbing mess.  The slightest thing can set me off.  The unexpected can be a crash over a cliff.  There can be pain in knowing that something can’t happen yet.  This week I have been tested to practice what I preach.  After a few days of not being able to clearly see options, I reached out to a fellow coach to help with the reality of my life in this moment.

I’m optimistic because life can change for the better in an instant, but right now I’m taking my own advice and sitting with the pain.  About a year ago I received the warning of a bad review that my life was about to shift.  I started thinking and planning, but in reflection I’m still coming to terms with what that meant.  Things haven’t gone exactly as expected.  There have been challenges, struggles and lessons learned, but I must find my way forward.  I’m sure there will be more lessons as I progress, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that one day soon joy will feature more prominently in my life.

Reality can feel harsh, but it is showing me a new way forward.  I must continue to grow and expand, just as you do.  Life isn’t perfect.  My life isn’t perfect and I’m sure that yours isn’t either.  The pain of reality can stop so many of us from pursuing our dreams.  I’m working on now allowing the reality of what my life looks like right now stop me from finding success on my new path, but my fantasy world still has its place.  It allows me to dream and ponder the possibilities.

What does your reality look like?  What do you want it to look like?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I Don’t Want to Hear It . . .

Denial.  We’ve all had a case of denial, I can guarantee there is something in your life that you haven’t wanted to see, hear or admit to.  I’ve certainly been there.

In my life there have been things that I couldn’t see or didn’t want to see.  Things that I didn’t want to hear.  We know when our life isn’t going the way we wanted or expected it to, but denial can also be a way of making it through the day.

When I was about to turn 30, I knew my life wasn’t as I wanted it to be.  The things that I dreamed of hadn’t happened yet.  The reality was that it wasn’t someone else’s fault.  It was mine.  I wanted to blame someone else, but there wasn’t anyone else responsible for my choices.  I wanted someone else to come and save me, but I didn’t even want to save myself.  I didn’t want that to be the truth.  I wanted the truth to be that the timing was off or people couldn’t see who I truly was.  The truth was that I didn’t allow them to see me.  I didn’t let people close enough to see through the mask that I was wearing.  There are reasons why, but my past was impacting my present and my future.  I had to be willing to see the truth.  That was step 1.  Step 2 was more complicated, I had to look at it, examine it, and see it for what it truly was.  A clue.  That clue would lead me to change, but I had to be willing to act and do something different.  Is it easy?  No!  But it is worth it when you can see how your life has shifted.

I’m still a work in progress.  That’s part of life.  The challenges don’t stop because we want them to, but we can learn to adjust and face them head on.  We can examine them and let them go.

 What are you denying in your life right now?  What have you denied in the past?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.