Why Did I Say That?

Guilt.  The feeling of being a failure and inadequate.  Where you ask yourself why did I do that?  Why did I say that?  Can I fix it?  On Dr. Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness, Guilt vibrates at a level of 30.

Guilt is a step up from Shame.  The biggest difference between the two is with Shame, you’re a bad person and with Guilt what you did was bad.  Guilt still isn’t an emotion that most of us wish to talk about, but it is better than speaking about your Shame.  The only way through these emotions is to speak them aloud.

I spent a large portion of my life living in Guilt.  I would question everything I said.  I wanted to fix it, but I didn’t know how.  I spent hours of my day trying to figure out what I did or said that was wrong.  How did I end up there?  I felt guilty if I acted and guilty if I didn’t.  Why didn’t I say anything? 

The things that I wished that I had said were the most common for me.  I wished that I had told someone that I liked him, or I didn’t speak up for myself and allowed someone to walk all over me.  But why didn’t I?  Could I say something the next time and “fix it”?  What if I could go back and do something over again and then fix it?  These were the repeating stories in my head.  Most every interaction with someone else led to these questions and it was exhausting.

In the past my tendency was to keep quiet.  When I would say something and it wouldn’t come out right or someone would misinterpret my point, it was easier to keep quiet.  We can have as much guilt for what we did do or say as what we didn’t.  My guilt and shame were one in this case.  If I didn’t say something, it was because I thought who was I to have an opinion or to think that someone might feel the same way?

There’s a saying that the guilt can eat you alive and it can.  It’s an emotion that can take the joy of life away from you.  If you question everything you say, every action or reaction, what’s left?  My mind would loop around the past.  Why did I do that?  Why did I say that?  But by living in Guilt I never allowed myself to live in the present.  I didn’t allow myself to experience life or what could be.

To get out of the loop, I had to determine what my Guilt was about.  Once I was able to speak it and claim it, I was on to the next level of the map, Apathy.

What do you feel Guilty about?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.