Sarah in 1982
Society teaches us that children should be seen and not heard. What could children possibly have to teach us? A lot. Children are in a pure statement of enlightenment when they enter this world. All they need is love and nourishment. As we grow older the list of what we “need” grows and expands. Is it true that we need a new iPhone every year?
So, where do we stray off course? We are taught to conform to a certain set of standards. There are rules we must follow. In some instances, those rules can start us on the path of losing who we are. Our inner child is ignored. We must move forward on the path we have forged. But what happens when your inner child can no longer be ignored?
My inner child journey began in 2011 with a real child entering my life, my oldest nephew. From the time he entered the world, you could see a sense of purity. A niece and two more nephews have joined him over the years. Each of them is different, but their needs remain the same: love and nourishment. So, where did I steer off course? Society can get in the way at an early age. When we first enter the world, we are unable to communicate with words and are entirely dependent on other people to interpret our needs. We develop our sense of safety and security by the age of 1. Before the age of 1, I began to have seizures (I was officially diagnosed with a seizure disorder at 19 (a story for another time). My temperature would rise, and I would have a seizure. I would develop an ear infection, and suffer another seizure. My body had a natural defense mechanism to keep my body at stasis, but the mind and the body have two different interpretations of what is happening. Of course, we all want to know what is wrong. Had this information been wider known at the time, my journey could have been different, but it can’t be that way, because I needed to learn this lesson to help others.
So, what is the next step? The doctor, of course. So, before a year old, I went through a series of tests. Maybe it is spinal meningitis? Let’s give her a spinal tap. Let’s put her on medication, but we need to make sure it isn’t harming her, and her blood levels aren’t too high. Let’s draw blood and check. Oops something happened with the test results! We need to stop the medication and reset her system. Withdrawal systems ensued. Medications haven’t been known to alter the personality; it can’t be that. I’ll let you in on a secret, they can. All of this happened before the age of 5. Then upon entering school, I wasn’t like the other kids behaviorally, so I was off to occupational therapy. Then there are the “normal” interactions between kids on the playground and in class. My inner child didn’t stand a chance. And by the way neither did my parents. We trust professionals to help us, but we all operate through a lens. That lens can impact your entire life if you aren’t careful.
It’s no wonder that as I entered my 30's, I had no idea who I was. I started to dig in. Who am I? A simple question became a journey, but it wasn’t until I started to let my inner child speak, that I saw an answer emerge. I had spent my life believing I wasn’t good enough. I had to be someone else, when the truth was that a small scared child inside of me was trying the best that she could to keep me safe. I had developed two parts of my personality, the adult and the inner child. When I got scared, I would act from my inner child. The child who by 5 learned that to survive in the world, I had to wear a mask. Of course, the mask still comes out. It is now a survival mechanism, but I can recognize it quicker and step back into a more authentic version of myself.
Are decisions still terrifying? Absolutely! But change is a part of life, whether it is seen as a good change or a bad change. What is your inner child trying to reveal? What do you need to do to give your inner child an opportunity to speak? What does your inner child have to say? Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment. How can I help you to make a change?