Category: Change

I Need to See the Truth!

Neutrality.  The 10th level of the Map of Consciousness according to Dr. David R. Hawkins.  Neutrality resonates at a level of 250 within the body.  This is where we’re able to be objective, impartial, and unbiased.  You can see the big picture and want to see the truth.

Our past wounds can hold each one of us back.  If we are acting from a place of our wounding instead of a place of neutrality, we can’t truly see the truth.  Our wounding tends to cloud our lens.  We see everything that happens through that lens, instead of seeing it for what it is.

There is a lot of fear circulating in the world today.  The slightest panic can cause the stock markets to plummet and for people to wonder what they’re going to do.  Unfortunately, we may be at a point in time where we’re being forced to grow.  We may have to make different decisions than we have previously made.  It isn’t easy to get to a place where you can see the big picture, but there is a calmness that can come over you with being able to make an informed decision.

Every decision that you make needs to be right for you.  So many of us live paycheck to paycheck but having to see things for what they really are isn’t easy.  For years, I would try to look at things positively.  If I could just find a positive spin on things would get better.  They might be better for a short period of time, but my bottom would eventually fall out again and it seemed like I was right back where I started.  It wasn’t until I started going through each step of the map that I made progress.  That doesn’t mean there weren’t situations where I had trouble looking at the truth.  One example was money.  Some of the basics I knew and couldn’t escape.  I knew I was in debt, but I wasn’t willing to look at the numbers.  I even knew most of the reasons why I had gotten in debt from wanting to learn new things to the rise of prescription drug costs to unexpected expenses.  But how to dig myself out of it.  Like you, I’m still a work in progress, and working myself out of my past ways, but I took a big step a few months ago and looked at where I was spending money and how much.  I cut out every program that I wasn’t using on a regular basis or cost more than I could afford, even if I loved it. I kept going until it was down to a place where I could pay my regular bills.  The process was painful, but I can now see the big picture.  I can see the truth.  I had spent years using material things to help me feel better about myself.  Let’s be honest, they didn’t.  The only thing that did was being honest with myself and seeing the truth.

What can you do to help you see the big picture?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I Can Do This!

Courage.  The 9th level of Dr. David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness.  It vibrates at a level of 200 within the body.  It’s the area where you truly start to feel empowered and excited.  Energy is building within your body and you can start to see the big picture.  You can see the possibilities.

What does being empowered mean to you?  I had never really thought about what that meant to me until last year.  For so many years I had felt like things happened to other people, but they didn’t happen to me.  There were periods of time where I could be positive and start to feel like they were shifting and then something else would fall apart.

There were parts of my life where it felt like I had made my choices and I needed to carry them forward.  I had decided in my 20’s that I was going to be a Paralegal.  I started out as a Legal Assistant and would look for ways that I could move that dream forward.  I found Immigration law which seemed to fit well with my interests and hobbies, but I was stuck as a Legal Assistant and couldn’t find get to the title of Paralegal. I had to find the courage to apply for other jobs.  By the end of 2011, I had begun to realize that path and it became a question of how do I continue to develop.

With the election of a new president in 2016, I couldn’t have foreseen all the changes that would take place in Immigration law.  I figured that unless laws were passed, things would remain the same, but they didn’t.  All the things that I loved about working in Immigration started to evaporate.  But what could I do?  I had made my choice.  I started to become interested in metaphysics and received my certificates in Reiki, but I questioned whether I could do that for a living.

As 2018 ended, I knew my life was about to change.  The question was how long did I have.  The answer is 3 weeks.  I talked with a friend of mine who happens to be a psychic and she was able to help me determine that I could start a business as a coach, but I couldn’t quite figure out all the pieces.  I applied to a couple of places to help while I put the pieces together, so I could leave my current job on my terms.  Just over a week later, I was terminated from my position.  I decided to take time to think I did the obvious first and looked through job listings.  I looked in other fields that might contain some of what I had enjoyed from working in immigration, but I couldn’t shake the conversations I’d had with my friend about starting a business.  What do I do?  I stumbled across a Facebook Live between Colette Baron-Reid and Crystal Andrus Morrisette.  I learned about empowerment coaching and all the pieces seemed to come together.  For the first time in a long time I acted from a place of courage and took a leap.

Taking the leap didn’t mean that my past insecurities disappeared.  I started working with a coach and doing the coursework and I started to feel better.  It felt like anything was possible.  Another insecurity would come up for me to work through, I kept going.  At the end of April, it will be a year since I launched my business, a day that was terrifying and exciting at the same time.  Is it perfect, no, but I am so much happier than I’ve ever been.  I feel like myself.  I feel that I’m on my path and I have the courage to keep trying.  I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t had the courage to say yes, I can do this.

What would Courage have you do?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I Will Prove It!

Pride.  The 8th level of the Map of Consciousness.  Pride has a vibration of 175 within the body.  You’re almost to the level of starting to feel empowered, but first you need to move through I’ll show you; I know what I’m talking about; I know I’m right; and I’ll prove it!

Pride can take many different forms.  It can be my way is the right way.  We see a lot of pride specifically when it comes to political opinions.  There is a lot of I know I’m right going on now, to the point where people aren’t willing to hear or see other viewpoints.  Their view is the only one that matters.

There is also another form that pride can take.  This is the one that I’m going to spend some time this week.  I grew up with a large extended family.  When I was in college, I had a discussion with my mom.  She was curious as to where the female line of our family originated.  I figured that I knew enough about computers and research to find out the answers.  I started researching and by the end of the day I had reached the female ancestor that would have traveled from overseas to Prince Edward Island, Canada.  I couldn’t find her maiden name and you know what all these years later, I still haven’t been able to answer that question, but I started to branch out.  You know what?  I didn’t just do my ancestral line but traced back cousins and have built a family free of over 44,000 people.  It’s one that I’ve found relationships to presidents, royalty, authors, explorers, and other well-known people.  It changed my views on history.  It’s a project that I take great pride in and it’s a positive aspect of pride, but for the downside.  When you put your research out there, people will comment and question your research.  With genealogy research, you’re looking for documents to prove relationships.  Your research is only as good as your proof. Also when you have great pride in your work, it can sometimes blind you to other options.

I have been working on finding my 3rd great grandmother’s parents for years now.  I knew her maiden name, so that wasn’t my stumbling block, like it normally is with women.  She was born in 1820 and got married for the first time in 1840.  The 1850 U.S. Federal Census is the first census that lists members of a household and she was already married.  I looked through everything I could find to prove her parents.  I had a couple of strong possibilities and if I’m honest, my intuition told me it was one over the others.  I was going to find a way to prove who her parents were.  For many years I was so sure as to who her parents were that I had it published on my online family tree.  I kept working at finding the documentation to back it up, but I started to get nervous when others cited my research as part of their research.  I had no genealogical proof.  I disconnected her parents from my family tree.  I couldn’t completely delete them because something told me there was still a connection.  This weekend I finally got my proof.  One of my cousins completed a DNA test and we were finally able to find a link between her and one of the siblings from the 1850 census.  My pride in this case might have kept me going, but also prevented me from seeing options.  I didn’t have the courage to stand behind my intuition.  Eventually when I was ready, the next step was revealed. 

How has pride helped your or hurt you?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I’m Not Going to Take It Any Longer!

Anger. The 7th level of the Map of Consciousness according to Dr. David Hawkins, which resonates at a vibration of 150 within the body.  It’s the place where hostility and resistance reside.  You’re tired and you won’t accept this any longer.  The biggest advantage to this vibration is that for the first time you’re willing to stand up for yourself and realize that nobody is coming to save you.

When we are in the lower levels, we tend to want to people to accept us, so we’re willing to bend over backwards to accommodate their needs, while sacrificing our own.  For the first time, anger is where you realize that you matter, and you won’t take it anymore.

For so many years, I didn’t want to be angry.  I had seen anger and it typically ended with me being in tears.  I didn’t like it and I wanted to avoid the emotion at all costs.  I didn’t consider myself to be an angry person, but I wanted to be accepted.  I would allow people to walk all over me.  My feelings didn’t really matter.  I would find ways to stuff them down.  I had anger that I needed to release before I could move up to the next level of Pride. 

This past weekend Mercury went retrograde meaning that we’re being asked to review parts of our past.  The feeling of being taken advantage of started to come up.  Someone I know asked me to do them a favor.  I allowed myself permission to say no and stand firm in my decision.  I felt badly, but I needed to stand up for myself and stay committed to my plans.  A few days later I received another message asking the same question.  I’m being challenged.  Have I learned the lesson to stand up for myself and say no?  No one is going to save me and it’s time for me to save myself.  Is there anything in it for me?  No, in fact I end up losing more than I gain in this situation.  It’s ok to be nice and all, but the truth is that this is a pattern I’ve run in the past.  I’ve allowed people to not pay me back.  I’ve allowed people to take advantage of me.  I’ve allowed people to use me.  I don’t want that to be a part of my life anymore, so the answer is no.  So now I move up to Pride.

What are you angry about?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I Wish…

Desire.  Up the map we go to level 6.  Dr. Hawkins found that Desire vibrates at a level of 125.  Desire is where you find jealousy, comparing, and longing.  You can hear yourself say I want more, and I deserve more.

How often have you said that I can’t keep living this way?  You notice how everyone else is living their life and wish that you could have that in your life.  It could be about anything that you want in your life from the seemingly mundane to the life altering.  What do you wish you had?

For so many years growing up, I just wanted to be like everyone else.  I didn’t want to be different.  I didn’t want to be singled out.  I wanted what everyone else wanted.  I would move up into Desire and then slip back into Fear.  I wanted to make a change in my life, but did I truly want it.  Not enough apparently because I would remain in the dream state, but why would I do that?  The next level up from Desire is Anger.  I didn’t want to be an angry person.  So, I would fluctuate between Fear and Desire.  I would hope and dream and then my fears would swallow me up.  I couldn’t take that step.  I couldn’t completely walk through that door.  I had a desire to be like everyone else, but I couldn’t quite do it.  In this case it might be because I wasn’t meant to be like everyone else.  I would do it for a while, but a true part of me would come in and the illusion would be dashed.  I was meant to be me and my path forward in this life may have similarities to yours, but it varies.

Other examples, love.  I have longed and dreamed since I was a little girl to be a wife and have children.  I’m still single and have no children.  My fears couldn’t quite overcome my desire, until recently.  I’ve been working on my personal blocks that have led me to turn down dates for no seemingly good reason other than the idea of how could that person possibly like me.  I had to get angry and move up before I could start to become empowered.  I might still be single, but I’ve finally started to become confident in who I am as person.  My desire finally started to push me forward.  My desire started to outweigh my fear.

What do you desire in your life?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I’m Afraid

Fear.  The 5th level of Dr. David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness, which vibrates at a level of 100 within the body.  Most of us are aware of the feeling of I’m afraid, but how does it make you act?  It can make you feel anxious; Give you a racing brain; The inability to focus; And paralyze you.

Fear is an emotion that can controls us.  It prevents us from moving forward.  Whether it’s a fear that is conscious or unconscious.  Fear is a complex emotion that we may not even realize is controlling us.  Our fears can be used to manipulate us.  While we think it might be keeping us safe, it is preventing us from living and growing.

Fear is all around us.  Look at the world around us.  The things that we’ve been taught can end up being used against us.  The idea that we might not be right about something, that we have long believed to be true, can keep us from examining a new perspective or listening to a new opinion.  This is reflected everywhere right now.  People will only follow people on Facebook and Instagram that have the same beliefs.  They will follow a news outlet that portrays their political perspective.  We seem to live in a moment in time where even facts can be twisted into a lie or to fit an opinion.  How can that be?  People are fearful that if others knew the truth, they would be different, so only certain information is disclosed.  We’re at a turning point right now, you have the option examine something for what it is and make up your own mind.  You don’t have to let the collective fears control you.

Then there are individual fears.  For so many years, I would say that I was afraid of living.  I’d been hurt and I wanted to control situations, so they turned out how I wanted.  I wanted things to magically appear without having to put myself out there.  Do I still try to do this?  Unfortunately, yes.  I’m a human being, just like you.  I don’t want to be wrong, but the truth is, I don’t know everything.

My fears stopped me from moving forward.  They stopped me from leaving jobs, going on dates, or living an authentic life.  Oh, where to begin with my fears.  We live within a set range of emotions.  The top of my set was probably Fear for a long time.  I would go to bed at night and my mind would race.  I had severe anxiety and my mind would loop.  I didn’t know how to stop it.  People would give me suggestions and I didn’t feel capable of giving it a try.  I would say that I’m not ready or I’ll try later.  It could have been as simple as dancing with someone.  The problem was that I never became ready.  I didn’t try again later.  Fear had paralyzed me and my life.

The thing is that life around me didn’t stop.  I just didn’t participate in it.  I was stuck.  I felt detached from the world and myself.  I saw what seemed like everyone moving on in their life and I remained in the same place.  The things that I had dreamed of growing up seemed to allude me.  I missed so many opportunities became my fears held me back.

So how did I start moving forward?  At first it was exploring something new.  Opening my mind up to the possibility that maybe there was something I didn’t know.  That led me to participating in something new, which led me to becoming a part of something.  One day things were just different.  I had been moving through my fear without even realizing it.  Imagine what you could do, if you did realize you were moving through your fears.

Does that mean that my life became “perfect”?  No, but it was better.  There were so many things that I had discounted.  People that I had hurt and hadn’t even realized.  There were layers upon layers that I needed to examine.

The day that I was fired from my job was terrifying and freeing at the same time.  I hadn’t been without a job since I was 17.  I knew that I was moving in a less traditional direction, but I needed to have a way to earn an income.  What was I going to do?  I started out small.  I started looking for a job in another field, while also dreaming about what could be.  I started dreaming about a business that combined all the things that I had become interested in, but how did I do that?  I began asking questions and the answers were revealed.  I started putting together a business.  When my severance expired, I wasn’t where I had hoped to be, but I kept going.  I got a part-time job.  I cut out everything that I didn’t need or use on a regular basis.  I kept going.  Are things in my life perfect now?  No, but I’m so much happier today than I was just over a year ago.  I started to confront my fears and space started to open.  I still have fears that are being tackled, but they no longer hold me back from living.  By releasing fear, I started moving into Desire.

What fears are holding you back?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

I’m Not Good Enough

Shame.  The very bottom of Dr. David Hawkins’ Map of Consciousness.  If you resonate at Shame, you’re vibrating at an energetic level of about 20.  The emotional level where I’m not good enough, I hate myself and I feel nothing reside.  A place that is dark and undeserving.

Shame is a challenging place to be, but unfortunately it’s one where most of us have been.  Just talking about Shame has a negative connotation to it.  Who wants to talk about their sense of shame?  After last week’s blog post I knew that the next steps were for me to discuss Dr. Hawkins’ work in depth and the best approach would be to start from the bottom, but I had resistance to discussing it.  But, why?  It meant me discussing my own past shames.  Even though I’ve worked through it, doesn’t necessarily mean I want to post it on the internet.   But, it’s the next step on my journey so here goes.

I spent quite a few years not feeling good enough.  Shame had a certain comfort to it.  I couldn’t say no to other people.  That would mean they might catch on to my not being good enough then they really wouldn’t love me.  The only thing that I truly wanted was for love to be in my life, but I couldn’t even love myself.  I spent a long time in that place of why would anyone love me.  How I ended up there is more complicated.  It involves topics that I’ve previously discussed and ones that I’ve yet to reveal, but the point is that I was ashamed of myself.  There were some bright shiny moments where I would allow myself to feel more, but eventually the feelings would come back and ensnare me again.

I knew that my family had a tendency towards addiction, so I avoided alcohol and drugs, but was trapped by one thing that I couldn’t avoid, food.  I would use sugary or salty foods, primarily junk foods to numb my pain.  It created a spiral where it would numb my pain, but then added to the feeling of being unlovable since I was overweight.

So how did I move up?  I began working through my past.  As I did more work and discovered more about myself, I started to allow little bits of love in.  There are some people that you can’t help but allow in.  For me, they were my nephews and niece.  Beginning with the birth of my eldest nephew in 2011, I had the pure light of a child in my life.  A new sense of wonder and the ability to look at life through a different set of eyes.  I could see for the first time that I didn’t start out there and I didn’t have to stay there.  I had hope.

Do you feel this way about a part of your life?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

New Year. New Decade. New You!

It’s officially 2020!  The countdown seems to have lasted forever, but the year that was 2019 is officially in the past.

Waking up on New Year’s Day, the energy was already different.  There seemed to be more of a hum, then a constant buzz for me, but that doesn’t mean that the world that was 2019 has ended, but we are on to the next chapter.

If you follow astrology, you know that 2020 has plenty to experience.  There will be many planetary meetings in the sky.  Saturn, the planet of Karma, will continue to reveal our path and what we need to work on.

For me, 2019 felt like the year of challenges and lessons.  If you look at it from a numerological perspective, it had the world energy of a 3, but for me it was a personal year of 4.  I am a 1 life path and I felt every bit of the challenge in those numbers.  This year will be a 5 year for me and I’m looking forward to the natural match energy to my life path.  However, 2019 gave me the gift of exploration.  I was forced to look back at my past and what I wanted my future to be.  I had to work through all the emotional attachments to past events.  The coaching certification program that I enrolled in is based on the work of Dr. David Hawkins entitled Power vs. Force.  Dr. Hawkins examined human behavior and our bodies’ reaction to trauma.  He then placed the basic emotions on a map and assigned them on a scale up to 1000.  These emotions range from Shame to Enlightenment.

Most of us, I’m sure you’re included, want to skip all the way up to Enlightenment.  It is crappy to experience Shame, Guilt, Apathy, Grief, Fear or Anger.  The problem with our way of thinking is those emotions are still there.  I had spent so much time learning to come from a place of optimism and positivity that I hadn’t taken the time to acknowledge the hurt.  Once I did, space began to open.  Did everything I want to come through at once?  I wish, but I had to peel the layers away and tackle the next emotion.

The last few years and 2020 will be included, have been forcing all of us to examine our past.  You may not like it, I know I certainly haven’t, but we are being called to shift to a new perspective.  A new way of looking at things.  We can either continue to resist or you can open a new door.  A new possibility.  So many of us start the new year off with a resolution.  A friend of mine a few years ago mentioned that at the end of the previous year she assigns a word for what she wants to experience the next year.  It is this practice that I have been playing with.  My word for 2020 is expansion.  I want to continue to expand my life and those experiences that make up who I am.

Wouldn’t you like to make 2020 the year where you took a step to releasing the baggage that is your past?   I’m right there with you.  I continue to do this work every day.  At first it is a challenge, but like anything it gets easier.

So, what do you want 2020 to look like for you?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

Happily Ever After

Growing up I loved watching Disney movies.  To be honest, I still do.  Today we have role models that are powerful like Elsa and Moana.  They act from an empowered place.  They are who they are, and others need to learn to accept them for who they are.  My favorites in my youth were Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty.  They don’t seem all that empowered now, they look like two role models who needed to be saved.

In 1981 Colette Dowling published a book The Cinderella Complex.  It’s a theory that women are afraid of independence and have an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others.  While I would love to say that I haven’t fallen into this trap, I probably have.  But, 2019 was the year that I started working on reversing this story.  I wanted someone to come and save me.  Whether it was from financial issues, having to work, or just being alone and wanting someone to be in a relationship with.  I wanted someone else to come and save me from life’s problems.  Like a fairy tale, I dreamed that by having someone “save me” all my problems would disappear.

There was just one problem, nobody else could save me.  I had to learn to save myself.  I had to take control and be empowered in my own life.  The idea that I had been waiting to be saved was a difficult one to swallow.  Why would I do that?  I don’t really have an explanation.  There are many theories that our experiences up to the ages of 7 to 8 shape who we become as adults.  Could that include something as simple as watching a movie repeatedly?  Maybe.  There is also the conditioning of women by society that could be a part of it.  Growing up women have been taught that our main responsibility is to be a wife and a mother.  Until the 1970’s, women only had a few career options, including being a secretary or teacher.  Once you were married, your occupation became that of a housewife.  Women didn’t even obtain the right to vote until 1920.

I was born at the end of 1980, so lots of changes were still underway regarding the role of women in the workplace and the home.  It is still shifting today.  In order to become the person that I am meant to be, I have had to examine my programing and work to save myself.  Only I can do that.  I can have someone else as a partner in my journey and discuss a path forward, but the ultimate decision is mine, as it is yours.  Only you can change your life. 

For me, 2019 has meant stepping into the person that I’m meant to be.  I’m still a work in progress, as are you, and we all are until the day we breathe our last breath.

In fairy tales, movies, and books, there is an end.  Many of them ending with a happily ever after.  We spend our lives seeking our own version of happily ever after, but what if we have it wrong?  What if our version of happily ever after is meant to be about ourselves?  We can never be truly happy in our lives if we don’t love who we are.  Another person can’t make you love yourself.  It’s an inside job.

So, as we close out not only another year, but another decade, what is your goal for 2020?  Who do you want to become?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment. 

Fantasy vs. Reality

For many of us a fantasy world can be a better world to reside in.  Reality can seem harsh at times.  It can be challenging to just move forward or get out of bed in the morning.  Reality can feel crushing at times and can lead to lots of tears.

A tower moment in my own life has been reached.  There are times when I prefer to live in the world of potential.  The land of yet to come, but that can be a distraction from looking at what is wrong in my life.  The energies of the past few days have made it impossible for me to live in a world of fantasy.  The reality of my life at this moment is a cocktail of disappointment and frustration.  2019 has been one of the most challenging years of my life.  I have travelled new paths and even though I know it is the right one, that doesn’t always make it easy.

My struggles are just as real as yours.  One moment I can be fine and the next a sobbing mess.  The slightest thing can set me off.  The unexpected can be a crash over a cliff.  There can be pain in knowing that something can’t happen yet.  This week I have been tested to practice what I preach.  After a few days of not being able to clearly see options, I reached out to a fellow coach to help with the reality of my life in this moment.

I’m optimistic because life can change for the better in an instant, but right now I’m taking my own advice and sitting with the pain.  About a year ago I received the warning of a bad review that my life was about to shift.  I started thinking and planning, but in reflection I’m still coming to terms with what that meant.  Things haven’t gone exactly as expected.  There have been challenges, struggles and lessons learned, but I must find my way forward.  I’m sure there will be more lessons as I progress, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed that one day soon joy will feature more prominently in my life.

Reality can feel harsh, but it is showing me a new way forward.  I must continue to grow and expand, just as you do.  Life isn’t perfect.  My life isn’t perfect and I’m sure that yours isn’t either.  The pain of reality can stop so many of us from pursuing our dreams.  I’m working on now allowing the reality of what my life looks like right now stop me from finding success on my new path, but my fantasy world still has its place.  It allows me to dream and ponder the possibilities.

What does your reality look like?  What do you want it to look like?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.

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