Judgment. A feeling that can bring some people to their knees. A perception that can be unnecessary if people take the time to think before they act.
Each one of us perceives the world through our own lens. Six people can be having a conversation and each person can walk away with a different understanding. It doesn’t make it right or wrong, just different.
I have tried to look at conversations differently since learning about personal lenses. I used to jump to conclusions and stew. If I could work up the courage, I might ask questions, but I wanted to make other people happy. Which meant that I was miserable. But I also knew that I couldn’t go around accusing people based on my perceptions. My perceptions aren’t always correct. Have you ever sat at a table and heard a piece of a conversation and made an assumption? If you can work up the courage to ask, 9 times out of 10 you were wrong about the conclusion you made. You know what they say about assumptions. It makes an ass out of you and me.
In a moment you make a judgment about a conversation or someone else. This summer a friend’s assumption and judgment ended a friendship. I responded to her accusations by taking some deep breathes and debating my response. I decided I would ask for clarification and asked some questions. I was unsuccessful in my attempt. She had decided that I had taken advantage of her. End of discussion. End of friendship. Most situations aren’t cut and dry. If you’re willing to take the time and reflect, you may be able to see things from a new perspective. You can also talk it through with a neutral party, but you should never just react. Reactions lead to hurt feelings and tends to escalate quite quickly. Temporarily walk away before you respond. Sleep on it if you need to. You should speak from a neutral place and not an emotional one. When people react, it typically comes from a place of unsettled emotions and past wounding.
Judgment triggers provide you with an opportunity to explore and question your own reactions. These reactions are yours and yours alone. You don’t need to force those upon others, but you do need to release them. Do you have ideas on how to release them? Let me know. Let’s release your judgments, perceptions, and triggers. Do you want to know more, click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.