February 2

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What Could Have Been

Grief.  The 4th level on the Map of Consciousness.  According to Dr. David R. Hawkins, Grief vibrates at a level of 75 and is the land where sorrow, depression and sadness resonate.  It is the inner voice that says I didn’t want it to be this way; It could have been different; I don’t want to let go.

Grief is an area of life that most of us try to avoid, but we seem to land there at the strangest of times.  There’s the obvious of grieving the loss of a loved one or an idol.  As of the writing of this blog post, the death of Kobe Bryant from a helicopter cash is plastered across the media.  No matter what you thought of him as a person, you can’t question that many people idolized him and are now grieving the loss of a not only a man, his daughter and others on board, but the idea of what could have been.  What if he hadn’t gotten on that helicopter in foggy weather?

There’s also grief over a part of you that was lost.  A part of you that you held back for whatever reason.  A part of you that wasn’t allowed to experience life.  Maybe your childhood prevented you from truly living as a child. 

Another type of grief is the loss of a dream.  This is something that we currently see across the United States.  No matter what your political ideology, things aren’t the way we thought they were or that they could be.  Things could and should be different.  People should be kinder to each other.  They shouldn’t bully others because their viewpoint is different.  People should listen to each other.

But, let’s go back to the most obvious form of grief, death of a loved one.  How did you learn to grieve a loss?  There were family members that disappeared from my life, but I had only met most of them a handful of times.  I lost a classmate at the age of 4 in a tragic accident.  I don’t know that at 4 I began to understand what that actually meant or the impact it had on me, but I will say the first person that I was close to that died was at the age of 17, my maternal grandfather Paul.  As children we see our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and elders as greater than life figures.  Nothing will ever happen to them, but this is life.  For each one of us, our life on this planet is limited.  Whether it is a long-fulfilled life or one cut tragically short.  I spent a lot of time with my maternal grandparents growing up.  They were a part of every event that I can recall, birthdays and holidays.  I would spend time with them at their home.  My greatest remembrance of my Papa was his love of reading and watching C-SPAN all day long.  He taught me to love reading and to make my own opinions, to research and discover them for myself.

The indications that his time was running out began in early December.  He was gone by January 1.  Watching him that Christmas it was obvious that I probably wouldn’t see him again and that he was no longer the infallible person I’d known.  He was going blind and had trouble taking the tape off a present.

I went to bed on December 31 sobbing and gasping for breath.  The next morning, I knew why.  I did what I’d been taught to do, I soldiered on.  I went back to school, only briefly though for the Ice Storm of 1998 struck that week.  My first funeral was held in the dark.  The minister needed a flashlight to read his notes.  He hadn’t brought one with him, so he had to borrow one from one of my aunts.  I watched my grandmother and the word that had always come to mind is stoic.  She had lost her partner of 57 years.  I never saw her cry.  That was my true introduction to grief.  I don’t know that I truly knew how to process the loss.  New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day lost their magical feeling and I learned to live without him.  Starting in 2004, most of that generation disappeared year by year.  Other than 2006 and 2011, I lost a close family member every year until 2012.  Every death was different.  Every reaction was different, and I just wanted it to stop.

I don’t know that I had time to fully process one loss before I was on to the next.  I did learn that every person grieves differently.  Some seem to have incredible faith, some know their spirit is still with us, and others seem to stop living.

In order to move forward, we truly must process our grief in whatever form it may be.  That may involve crying.  It may involve soul searching.  However, your process it is the right way for you.  So many of us stay stuck in Apathy because we don’t want to feel.  We don’t want to confront and deal with our emotions.  Our emotions make us human.  By releasing them, we’re able to move up to Fear.

What in your life are you grieving or need to grieve?  Let me know.  Do you want to know more about what I do?  Click here to book a discovery session or an appointment.


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